bar jokes | Thebeerchaser

Welcome back to Thebeerchaser. If you are seeing this post through an e-mail, please visit the blog by clicking on the title above to see all of the photos and so the narrative is not clipped or shortened. External photo attribution at the end of the post. (#1)

The word “simmer” is a transitive verb meaning “to stew gently below or just at the boiling point.” The usual context is cooking, although with climate change it describes the reaction in many parts of the country to elevated temperatures – now during a major portion of the year in many regions.

I prefer to use the term more intellectually, however – to describe my mental state when looking at many TV commercials, reading or listening to political commentary or just ideas for future Beerchaser blog posts. Ideas which simmer in my cerebellum…..

So this and a few more scattered posts this summer will just be an amalgam or fusion of miscellaneous topics – most not having to do with bars or beers.

Stay tuned, however, for reviews of two great bars I’ve visited in the last few months and deserve their own posts – both with the type of riveting histories that make conveying them in this blog, a fascinating hobby.

You will enjoy the sagas and character of both the Wildwood Saloon (top two photos) and the original Old Town Pizza and Brewing.

“So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

The author of the Gospel of Mathew who composed the above verse (Chapter 20 v 16) could have used this description for the 20th Century Oregon Legislature and voters. The state led the nation in some meaningful initiatives.

The Oregon Beach Bill was shepherded by Oregon Governors Tom McCall (R) and Bob Straub (D) – when bipartisanship was the norm!

“Thanks to Oregon’s landmark Beach Bill, passed in 1967, and a 1969 Oregon Supreme Court decision, the public’s right to access to all of the state’s beaches is guaranteed

…It established public ownership of land along the Oregon Coast from the water up to sixteen vertical feet above the low tide mark.” (Wikipedia) (#2 – #3)

Then there was Oregon’s Bottle Bill – introduced in 1971 as the very first bottle bill in the U.S. The bill was created to address a growing litter problem along Oregon beaches, highways and other public areas. (Oregon.gov).

It was again championed by McCall and former Senator and then State Supreme Court Justice, Betty Roberts. (#4)

So how does these mesh with the following two examples?

Oregon and Louisiana were the last two states to allow convictions from non-unanimous juries:

“For decades, Oregon allowed juries to convict people of felony crimes based on non-unanimous jury verdicts (for example 10 jurors agree to convict while 2 jurors vote to acquit). In 2020 the United States Supreme Court took up the constitutionality of non-unanimous jury verdicts in Ramos v. Louisiana.” (Oregon.gov) (#5)

764px-Balanced_scale_of_Justice_(blue).svg

And as reported in the June 23rd Oregonian after seventy-two years, the Legislature voted to end a prohibition on self-serve gas. Unless vetoed by the Governor, the law

“would require gas stations to staff at least half of their open pumps for people who want assistance. But it would allow other pumps to be open for self-service.”

But wait, it goes further! In a fit of progressivity, lawmakers included a provision that:

“….would also eliminate from state law language referring to coin-operated fuel pumps, perhaps in recognition of the fact that a $1 coin, the largest denomination in general circulation, would today buy two-tenths of a gallon of gas, and it would take more than 50 of them to fill an average tank.” (#6)

800px-Petrol_pump_mp3h0354

It’s a great comfort to me that Oregon changed this archaic prohibition before New Jersey – now the only state where one can’t pump his or her own gas.

This also makes me quite confident that the Oregon Legislature will make future leaps in solving some of the less significant issues such as climate change, homelessness, funding for public defenders (a crisis), timber and wildfire management and Oregon’s high school graduation rates.

The Good Ol’ Days?

How many times have we Baby Boomers reflected on how our parents used to say “goodbye” to us in the morning when we were on summer vacation from grade school? Our moms would then admonish us not to be late for dinner as we walked out the door for the day.

We would often pack a lunch and then wonder across busy streets through the woods to a pond or stream in which we fished or swam, have lunch in a makeshift treehouse and walk or ride our bike several miles to a hobby shop or Five and Dime Store in the center of town.

Now days, parents are understandably a lot more cautious about that kind of “adventure” without adult supervision. That said, I’m amazed at how young and how fast kids whiz by on electric scooters or motorized bikes – most of the time – but not always – with helmets. (#7 – #8)

My younger daughter is a pediatric Emergency Department nurse.

Maybe I should ask her although I think she’d probably reply, “Relax Dad. Go have a beer!”

Concluding Simmers

I’ve mentioned in recent posts that since we will be moving later this year, my wife has been relentless on reminding me of my task to go through my extensive collection of newspapers, magazines and old files with everything from college and graduate school papers to law firm e-mails which are often humorous and sarcastic (Go figure!)

But it’s not just reviewing this stuff, but the mandate is to recycle the great bulk of this “material” in filing cabinets in our garage, my home office, etc.

I talked about this in two blog posts in the last year (https://thebeerchaser.com/2023/01/02/de-files-de-files-part-ii/)

I’ve already given my daughters the stuff from their school years that occupied several file drawers, but I insisted on saving a valuable resource for my bar exploits – the Annual Willamette Week Bar Guides.

An invaluable reference since Beerchasing began in 2011

I did find three files that I also am inclined to keep entitled “Bar Jokes,” “Lawyer Jokes” and “Quotations.”

To assuage Janet’s concern that I will never look at these files and our daughters will eventully be forced to dispose of them upon our demise, I offer the following. Perhaps, I will provide one in each category to end future blog posts where I don’t review a specific bar or brewery.

Lawyer Joke

A guy walks into a lawyer’s office and says, “You’re a high-priced lawyer. If I pay you $500, will you answer two questions for me?”

“Absolutely,” says the lawyer. “What’s the second question?”

Bar Joke

A brain walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Please give me a draft beer.” The bartender looks at him and says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you.” The brain asks, “Why not?” The bartender replies, “Because you’re already out of your head.” (#9)

Human_brain_NIH

Quotation

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes…..” Scottish Actor Billy Connolly

Cheers and Happy Independence Day

External Photo Attribution

#1. Public Domain – Wikimedia Commons (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Grill_(PSF).png) This work has been released into the public domain by its author, Pearson Scott Foresman. This applies worldwide.

#2. Wikimedia Commons (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cannon_Beach_(63902003).jpeg) Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license. Source: the Archive Team – 22 September 2006.

#3. The Oregon Encyclopedia (https://www.oregonencyclopedia.org/articles/oregon_beach_bill/) Courtesy: State of Oregon.

#4. Oregon Beverage Recycling Cooperative (https://obrc.com/oregons-bottle-bill/history-of-oregons-bottle-bill/)

#5. Public Domain – Wikimedia Commons (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Balanced_scale_of_Justice_(blue).svg) This file is made available under the Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication. Source: User:Perhelion, 12 March 2015.

#6. Wikimedia Commons (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Petrol_pump_mp3h0354.jpg) Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 France license. Author: https: Rama – 2 January 2008.

#7. Wikimedia Commons (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Lewis_Hine,_The_Swimming_Hole,_Westfield,_Massachusetts,_1916.jpg) This work is from the National Child Labor Committee collection at the Library of Congress. According to the library, there are no known copyright restrictions on the use of this work. Author: Lewis Hines – 28 June 1916.

#8. Wikimedia Commons (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Generation_Z_kids_on_Electric_Scooter_(48263543577).jpg) Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license. Author: Kristoffer Trolle from Copenhagen, Denmark – 6 July 2019.

#9. Public Domain – Wikimedia Commons (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0a/Human_brain_NIH.png) This image is a work of the National Institutes of Health, part of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, taken or made as part of an employee’s official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the public domain. Source: National Institutes of Health.

Thebeerchaser’s tour of Portland pubs, taverns and bars and this blog commenced in August 2011. My education on blog software is continuing and I hope to make it easier in the future to find items on the site; however, it may be helpful until that time to recap the venues reviewed in categories during the last ten months.

The next review will be posted this week and recaps our visit to Interurban, which will be followed by a visit to the historical Mock Crest Tavern.

Neighborhood Bars

Brooklyn Park Pub
Gladstone Street Pub
Hawthorne Hideaway
Laurelthirst Public House
Muddy Rudder Public House

“Taking the Plunge…”

Dive Bars (Not a negative connotation – see post entitled “Analyzing Dive Bars – Head First” from September)

Ash Street Saloon
Dixie Tavern
Joe’s Cellar
Yukon Tavern

Brew Pubs

Amnesia Brew Pub
Coalition Brew Pub
Migration Brew Pub

Miscellaneous Bars and Pubs – In a Class of Their Own

The Buffalo Gap Saloon
Proust
The Twilight Room (Could be considered somewhat of a neighborhood pub but also a traditional “hang-out” for watering hole for University of Portland students)

Followers of the blog have asked if I have identified a favorite establishment to this point. While every visit has been positive, probably two tie as favorites for different reasons: The Laurelthirst and The Twilight Room.

Beerchasers of the Month

This label above is a misnomer because only five of the ten months have named an “honoree” as follows:

Princeton University professor and author of On Bullshit, Dr. Harry Frankfurt
Crime novelist, James Crumley
Retired chemical engineer and drinker, Harold Schlumburg
The bartenders of the Brooklyn Park Pub, the Gladstone Street Pub, Prost and the Twilight Room

Efforts will be made to bestow that honor more frequently, however, my favorite to this point is the esteemed Dr. Frankfurt, who responded to thebeerchaser’s e-mail informing him of the distinction and he became a follower of the blog.

BS Expert – Dr. Harry Frankfurt

Beer-related Lawsuits

Having worked in a law firm for twenty-five years and at the Oregon State Bar prior to that time, I collected a lot of law-related articles and memorabilia. In reviewing old files, I came across my favorite law suit – reported in The Oregonian in 1976. It documents a $53,000 suit filed against the Mount Angel Oktoberfest in Marion County.

The plaintiff, Robert Rispler, claimed the portable toilet he entered at the annual Oktoberfest was pushed over by unruly patrons and he was “violently thrown about inside said portable toilet, became intimately mixed (emphasis supplied) with the contents thereof and sustained a fracture of his right wrist and other contusions and abrasions.”

A Lawsuit Dr. Frankfurt Might Appreciate

Unfortunately additional research on the results of this suit are beyond the resources of thebeerchaser although a quick search of the internet found two Robert Risplers – one, a 1974 graduate of Reynolds High School in Portland (he would have been too young to drink legally….) and one who is now Director of Accounting at Fannie Mae in Washington DC. Thebeerchaser avoids political commentary (at times) and will omit any direct or indirect implications related to federal agencies.

Favorite Bar Jokes

Although my archives has more lawyer jokes than bar jokes, this blog needs to return to more relevant topics in this post and will finish with a few bar jokes, which will also grace future posts:

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, that’s really cool. We have a drink named after you. The grasshopper looks at him skeptically and says, “You have a drink named Murray?”

A piece of toast, a glass of orange juice, some hash browns and a side of eggs walk into a bar and they order four beers. The bartender says, “I’m sorry we don’t serve breakfast here.”

A physician, a nurse, a rabbi and a bulldog walk into a bar and the bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Spring Training in Phoenix

Thebeerchaser and spouse were privileged to take in a few games during Spring Training in Phoenix in March. While the tour of pubs is restricted to Portland, we visited and observed a number, which generated these observations:

It seemed like every bar we passed was jammed with people especially from about 4:30 to 7:00 and not necessarily because of Happy Hours. It may be that given urban sprawl in this badly planned metropolis, that people don’t try to drive during rush hour and just hit a bar each day. Rotating designated drivers keep things legal.

It also seemed that many of the venues had multiple levels to accommodate all the patrons (see pictures below). Perhaps it was also the hot weather. It was ironic that it cost $4 for a bottle of water at the baseball games when one could get a PBR for $1.50 at the pub across the street. It brought to mind, beerchaser of the month, Jame’s Crumley’s request from his main character, C.W. Sughrue, “I want a beer as cold as my ex-wife’s heart.”

Of special interest was the Irish Pub, shown below, that also served as a saddelry.