The Columbia Bar and Astoria Pubs

On a recent short crabbing trip to Nehalem Bay, Thebeerchaser and his brother-in-law (Dave Booher) spent the good part of a day in Astoria.  Several hours spent in the wonderful Columbia River Maritime Museum chronicled the history and geography of the Columbia River Bar.  The description of the Bar as the “Graveyard of the Pacific” with diagrams of the numerous shipwrecks over the years was compelling.

The Columbia River Bar – Graveyard of the Pacific

With some time to spare in the afternoon, we decided to explore a few of Astoria’s other pubs.  While thebeerchaser tour focuses on Portland, it was another opportunity to expand the venues reviewed.  Besides, there were numerous establishments within walking (or trolley) distance along Marine Drive and within sight of the Astoria-Megler Bride.

The Astoria Trolley

The Astoria Brewery now owns four bars or taverns along the main street in Astoria, so we decided to visit the Desdemona Club and the Wet Dog Cafe in that order.  We did not have time to visit their other two – Hazel’s Tavern and The Chart Room.

All Bars Within Sight of the Astoria-Megler Bridge Over the Columbia

After reading about some of the hardships of the Lewis and Clark Expedition right across the River at Fort Clatsop during the winter of 1805-6 as set forth below, it made one wonder how much more hospitable their stay in Oregon would have been if these venues were available.

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Austere Even with a Ration of Whiskey

The Fort, only five miles from Astoria, was the last encampment of the Expedition during a wet and miserably cold winter before embarking on their return trip to  St. Louis. From the 12/25/1805 journal of William Clark:

“Our Diner concisted of pore [lean] Elk, So much Spoiled that we eate it thro’ mear necessity. Some Spoiled pounded fish and a fiew roots. It was a bad Christmass diner.”

Notice that there was no mention of alcohol above – that’s because the explorers finished their supply of whiskey on July 4, 1805.  One of the men brewed a little beer from fermented camas bread on the way down the Columbia, because it was “frequently wet molded & Sowered.”

 Clark described it favorably but evidently it wasn’t tried again, probably for lack of time.  This lack of liquor was a violation of military regulations because a few years earlier, Congress had raised the mandatory ration from half a gill to a full gill of rum, brandy or whiskey per man per day.*1  It also lends credence to the old Irish quote:  “What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.”    (*1 Wikipedia)

  

One of the Four Taverns Owed and Operated by Astoria Brewery

Since it was Happy Hour, Dave and I walked to the Desdemona Club (known as the “Dirty D”) to toast Lewis and Clark and contemplate shipwrecks. The venue was appropriate because the tavern was named after the ship of the same name.

Desdemona Sands is a series of shoals on the Columbia. The sands  had traditionally been called Chinook Sands. On New Year’s Day 1857, the Desdemona’s captain tried to cross the Columbia River bar without a pilot – having been  promised a new suit if he could enter the Columbia by January 1. The ship ran  aground on the bar. The cargo was saved, but the ship was lost, and one of the salvage crew drowned.
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The Desdemona Before it Sank in the Columbia

Laura, the bartender in the bar was and knowledgeable and cordial resource on the history of the bar.  The portholes and some other items in the bar were purportedly salvaged from the ship.

Porttholes from the Original??

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She and a friendly woman at the bar named, Maya, told us about the brothel, located above what is now the bar until the early 1970’s, as evidenced by the long halls with multiple small rooms.
The “shanghai trap door” was also mentioned along with some history of Astoria – because the area is marshy, it is built upon creosote pilings with a boardwalk – factors in the 1922 fire which destroyed most of the then wooden buildings of the City.

Laura gives Dave a history lesson

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Distinguishing Characteristics
Besides Laura and her quirky “beer mug glasses” shown below, a unique feature on the menu was the Deep Fried Pancake Basket – pancakes cut up and then deep-fried – a bargain at $2.50 although Laura said that she had only served it twice in the six months she’s worked there.  She said that the Dirty D was also the only bar in Astoria with free pool and shuffleboard.

Distinguishing Glasses

Although they had Bud Light Pints for $2………we had  each had a pint of Astoria Brewery’s Old Red Beard Amber“a copper-hued amber brew with a caramel malt flavor and a smooth profile.” (similar to Dave’s….)
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Wet Dog Cafe
Even though we each had consumed only a pint, given the propensity of Clatsop County DA, Josh Marquis, to zealously prosecute those with alcohol even on their breath, we decided to walk down the street a short eighteen or so blocks and visit the Wet Dog Cafe.  We passed Hazel’s and The Chart Room – Astoria Brewing’s other two bars on the way, but time and capacity constraints forced us wait to visit on our next trip.  
       

This Sports Bar Will Have to Wait Until Next Visit

Fortunately, we met an old lady-of-the-sea on the walk although she was very non-conversant.

The Beerchaser in a One-sided Conversation

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Hazel’s looked interesting although the Chart Room was very nondescript on the outside.  Astoria Brewery’s investments have helped the ambiance of these two venues based on the difference in the quality of the reviews since their purchase and upgrades in the spring of 2012.  Moving the bulk of their brewing operation to a building adjacent to the Chart Room doubled their capacity to well over 800 barrels per year.

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The Wet Dog Cafe, founded in 1995, is also the site of their smaller brewery opened in 1997 as Pacific Rim Brewery and is an interesting and spacious building.  I concur with some of the reviews that having the bar separated from the restaurant would enhance the ambiance of the latter although evidently, I missed the adults only section of the bar.         

The view is outstanding and they had a large patio with superb views of the River.  They also have a nice selection of draft beers and an ample menu. According to the reviews, try the fish & chips or the Reuben sandwich. Take a look at their great dessert menu too. The bartenders were friendly and helpful although stretched to handle the crowd.

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View from the Wet Dog Patio

Watching the River traffic is fascinating including Bar Pilots. One can almost envision the horse-drawn gill nets that supplied much of the salmon to the old and now abandoned canneries along Marine Drive.

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The Bar at the Wet Dog Cafe

The Wet Dog has most (about 12 of Astoria’s hand-crafted ales on tap.  Dave stuck with the Old Red Beard Amber and I had a Da Bomb Blonde Ale, a light golden ale although I was tempted by the description of their milk shakes:

“Made with “Hand Scooped” Old Fashioned Vanilla Ice Cream. Served in a malt glass with a side tin. Your choice of Marionberry, Vanilla, Oreo Cookie, Caramel, Root Beer, Strawberry, Chocolate, Butterscotch, Chocolate Stout made with our own Bad Ass Stout.”

More Tempting than a Milk Shake made with Bad Ass Stout!

The Wet Dog Cafe/Astoria Brewing is also one of the seven breweries along the North Coast Craft Beer Trail  – which might merit another blog post……

Hats off to CPA Steve Allen and his wife, Karen Huber Allen.  During a recession that hit the coast harder than most regions, they have been entrepreneurial and expanded their business.  They have seven children and three of the kids work in the family businesses full-time and it appears that they treat their many employees well.

They are environmentally astute.  For example, in  2008 the Wet Dog added 15 Solar panels on the roof.  This action apparently made them only the second brewery in the Oregon to use solar energy to heat hot water tanks for the production of beer and for their kitchen. They recycle all plastics, cardboard, tin, glass, & paper.

Astoria Brewing and Wet Dog Cafe            144 11th Street

Hazel’s Tavern              1313 Marine Drive

The Chart Room            1196 Marine Drive

The Columbia River Maritime Museum                1792 Marine Drive

Beerchaser Miscellany II

One Year of Touring Taverns, Pubs and Bars and Still Going Strong

Thebeerchaser Tour – One Year Anniversary

It has been one year since Thebeerchaser’s Tour of Portland Bars commenced.  During that year I have reviewed 23 bars, pubs and taverns and the original premise for taking this journey has been confirmed — each bar has had its own personality, ambiance, flaws and character.  From the first stop – Brooklyn Park Pub (August 2011) to Lutz Tavern (July 2012) and even the one in Washington (Pourhouse – August, 2012) – all have been worth the visit.

As a result, I strongly disagree with the quote from a review of one of the bars I visited:

“I’m beginning to understand the formula for what constitutes a popular bar in Portland….Make it dark, create some reason for the service to suck and make PBR cheaper than soda….”

Good – But Doesn’t Make the Bar Necessarily Great

Because of the sheer number of Portland bars, my original guidelines were to visit a bar from each letter of the alphabet and then restart the cycle; however, I have thrown that practice out.  I go where you suggest or where I happen to see bartenders, bar stools, PBR or microbrews sold, etc. ……The guideline of reviewing only Portland bars also fell by the wayside when I reviewed Pour House – a Port Townsend establishment.  It was too good not to share and I will occasionally do future non-Portland venues.

Beerchasers-of-the-Month

During the last year, seven Beerchasers-of-the-Month (or Quarter when I get lazy) have been designated – an “honor” for which the person may or may not have a direct or indirect with beer or bars – I just wanted to tell you about them.  They include:

Craig Hanneman – Former OSU and Pittsburgh Steeler Football Player and Business Executive

The Crew of the USS Constitution

PSU Economics Professor, Dr. John Walker

Retired Oregonian columnist, John Terry

Author Dr. Frankfurt – Emeritus Professor of Philosophy at Princeto

Dr. Harry Frankfurt, Author of On Bullshit             

Crime Novelist James Crumley *

Four Portland Bartenders

Retired Chemical Engineer, Harold Schlumberg

* Crumley, a now deceased Montana writer, had an affinity for bars and beer (and gin) and was credited by some reviewers with the best opening line of any crime novel.  From his book, The Last Good Kiss:         

      “When I finally caught up with Abraham Trahearne, he was drinking beer with an alcoholic bulldog named Fireball Roberts, in a ramshackle joint just outside of Sonoma, California, drinking the heart right out of a fine spring afternoon.”                  

Drinking Buddy — Fireball Roberts

After reading another of his novels – The Mexican Tree Duckone gets a taste for Crumley’s perspective:

“I went through so much help that I actually hired a woman so drunk that she had forgotten that I had fired her the week before.”

Noted Crime Novelist

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Bar Joke Update

Occasionally, I have posted a few bar jokes from my collection.  This month’s selection is timeless – so to speak….:

“The past, present and future walk into a bar —

 It was really tense…..”              

It’s All Relative….

Becomes “light” headed when he drinks too much!

% * @ + !

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What Distinguishes Portland Besides Its Beers and Bars?

Voodoo Donuts, of course –

Brewer’s Inspiration

and as The Week, a national magazine in its August 17th issue reported on the new Rogue Brewery  Voodoo Donut Bacon Maple Ale. “This brew combines the flavors of wood-smoked malts and real maple syrup and bacon to create a ‘smoky, porky, nutty’ taste.”

Do you want pancakes or hasbrowns and eggs with that beer?

Makes Thebeerchaser wonder if he should stick to Keystone Light….!

Phoenix Sign

This sign from our visit to a bar named “The Speakeasy” in Phoenix last spring was worth sharing:

John Mansfield Update

A good friend and one of my favorite lawyers and former colleague, Schwabe Williamson and Wyatt’sJohn Mansfield, accompanied me on my visit to Mock Crest Tavern last May.  John is a patent lawyer and one, like many lawyers, who is extremely literal as contrasted to literate.   For example, after reading the phrase in the Mock Crest menu, “Breakfast Served – Any Time,” he tried to order “French Toast from the Renaissance Era.”                      

John and Hanna

Since our visit, he turned 50 and had a wonderful birthday party planned by his wife, Hanna (“John Mansfield Goes to L”) – As pointed out previously, John is a Renaissance Man having majored in music at the U of O before getting his law degree Magna Cum Laude at Cornell.  Highlight of the evening was John dazzling the crowd with classical (Dvorak) and then some more contemporary George Gershwin selections on the piano.

The Piano Man Will Also Prosecute Your Patent

He revealed to me another example of an attorney’s tendency to be literal causing a problem.  “A lawyer walking to the courthouse is waiting at a corner for a “Walk” signal next to a German Shepherd and a teenage boy walks up.  The boy asks the lawyer if his dog bites and the lawyer says “no,” so the kid leans down and pets the dog, who promptly sinks his teeth into the kid’s arm.  The boy says to the lawyer, “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite.”  The lawyer responds, “I did.  That’s not my dog….”

Not the Lawyer’s Dog…..

I was glad that John related this tale rather than that of the lawyer he knows whose last case was Budweiser.

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Phoenix Sun – Not!  And Speaking of Keystone Light….

Most basketball fans know that former Phoenix Suns guard, Steve Nash, was traded to the Lakers recently.

I loved the story from his first trip to SmogTown.  Some fans, saw him driving down the freeway.

Rates a Keystone Light Before Even Playing……

They recognized him in the back seat of his chauffeur-driven vehicle and shouted to  him when they pulled up beside him – both vehicles still traveling at full speed.  As the story goes, they proceeded to hand him a Key Stone Light, which he said he appreciated.

Perhaps when he has his first good game, he’ll rate a Stella.