Happy New Year 2013 – Beerchaser Miscellany IV

Excellent Draft Beers at the Wet Monkey Café in Astoria

Excellent Draft Beers at Astoria Brewing Company’s  Wet Dog Café in Astoria

As we commence 2013, those of you who are intellectually challenged (or bored) may be asking, “What did Thebeerchaser accomplish in 2012, in the second year of his Tour of Portland Bars, Pubs and Taverns?  Is said Tour still alive and healthy?”

Although a biased commentator, my answer to the latter question is “Yes!” based on the data shown below, which includes twenty-two watering-holes last year and eight public houses during five months in 2011.

Establishments Visited in 2012  *1

Neighborhood Bars – County Cork, Muddy Rudder Public House, Hawthorne Hideaway, Laurelthirst Pub

Dive Bars – Ship Tavern, Bar of the Gods, Dixie Tavern

Historic or Classic Bars – Claudia’s, White Eagle Saloon, Lutz Tavern, Cheerful Tortoise, Mock Crest Tavern

Bars that Defy Classification – 1856, Gold Dust Meridian, Bottles, Interurban, Ash Street Saloon

Brew Pubs – Migration Brewery Pub

Bars Outside of Portland – Embers Brew House (Joseph), Desdemona and Wet Monkey Café (Astoria), PourHouse (Port Townsend, WA)

*1 The Davis Street Tavern was visited but the review will be posted in 2013.

Former Portland Mayor Bud Clark, Attorney Jim Westwood and Oregonian Columnist John Terry at the Goose Hollow Inn

Former Portland Mayor Bud Clark, Attorney Jim Westwood and Oregonian Columnist John Terry at the Goose Hollow Inn

During my career in legal management, I analyzed many statistics and trends.  Figuratively regressing, I would suggest that visiting and reviewing a bar every 16.6 days (15.9 if one counts the Davis Street Tavern) in 2012 was a reasonably ambitious schedule and compares favorably with the partial 2011 year (starting in mid-August) in which the average days between visits was 17.1 – and no visits were made to bars outside Portland.

A Question of Priorities

A Question of Priorities

The Embers Brew House and Pub in Joseph, Oregon added venues outside Portland

The Embers Brew House and Pub in Joseph, Oregon added venues outside Portland

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Keeping in mind my former co-managing partner’s favorite quote: “He  uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts – for support rather than for  illumination,” further analysis reveals other critical relationships and possible development of an esoteric null hypothesis.

For example, the Historic Bar class representing 26% of the bars was the most frequent type visited followed by Neighborhood Bars and Pubs Outside Portland in second place with 17% and Brew Pubs with only 4% of the visits last year.  It’s very interesting to note that the average visits for each category is 16.5% with a standard deviation of 7.6%.  Clearly, Brew Pubs need closer scrutiny in the coming year if the deviation from the mean is to be diminished!

The White Eagle - Historic on the Exterior and the Interior -
The White Eagle – Historic on the Exterior and the Interior –

To impress my son-in-law who is an engineer, I tried to work in the radius of gyration function into these statistics without success.  But let’s momentarily digress to help educate readers on the benefits of beer-related topics and how they relate to the scientific method………..

Boyle’s Law, for example, may be encountered in beer production given that breweries are closed systems with constant temperatures and its worth toasting (with your favorite microbrew) the inverse relationship of pressure and volume in the given mass of confined gas within the vats as fermentation occurs……..

Critical advances in chemistry by Robert Boyle with alcohol experiments....

Critical advances in chemistry by Robert Boyle with alcohol experiments….

Another pioneer in chemistry influenced by my favorite brew was Joseph Priestley, an 18th century English clergyman, philosopher and chemist, whose house was next to a brewery.  He began to experiment with the gas given off by fermenting beer and discovered a method of impregnating water with the carbon dioxide by placing a bowl of water above a vat of fermenting beer – thus inventing soda water.    

Joseph Priestly used this equipment in experiments with beer in the late 18th century.

Joseph Priestly used this equipment in experiments with beer in the late 18th century.

  2012 Beerchasers

We also named a number of individuals or groups as Beerchasers-of-the-Month or Quarter.  They included:

Musician and consultant Forrest Green, Coach Mike Riley and the OSU Football Team, Former OSU and NFL football star, Craig “Dude” Hanneman for his Mt. Everest climb in May, the Crew of the USS Constitution.

Also Portland State Professor of Economics, Dr. John Walker, Oregonian history columnist, John Terry and Princeton Emeritus Professor of Philosophy and author of the brilliant book, On Bullshit, Dr. Harry Frankfurt.

If  you read one book in 2013, make it Dr. Harry Frankfurt's "On Bullshit."

If you read one book in 2013, make it Dr. Harry Frankfurt’s “On Bullshit.”

2011 Establishments Visited

Between August 2011 and the end of the year, we visited eight establishments which were a superb commencement of Thebeerchaser Tour of Portland Bars including:

Getting the Boot from Emily the Bartender at Prost in 2011

Getting the Boot from Emily the Bartender at Prost in 2011

Neighborhood Bars – Gladstone Street Tavern and Brooklyn Park Pub

Dive Bars – Joe’s Cellar and Yukon Tavern

Historic or Classic Bars – Buffalo Gap Saloon

Bars that Defy Classification – Prost

Brew Pubs – Amnesia Brewery Pub, Coalition Brew Pub

The Yukon Tavern - one of the proverbial Dive Bars visited in the first year of The Tour

The Yukon Tavern – one of the proverbial Dive Bars visited in the first year of The Tour

2011 Beerchasers

Those honored with this designation last year included:

Crime Novelist James Crumley, retired chemical engineer Harold Schlumberg and four bartenders of the initial bars visited as follows:

Emily – Prost

Dave – The Twilight Room

Natasha – Gladstone Street Tavern

Natasha - A Great Bartender from the Gladstone Stree Tavern

Natasha – A Great Bartender from the Gladstone Street Tavern

Phoebe – The Brooklyn Park Pub

Please continue to give me suggestions on both public houses worthy of a Beerchaser visit and candidates for Beerchaser-of-the-Month.

And if you are really curious and lack meaningful life activity, the radius of gyration is defined as  “the name of several related measures of the size of an object, a surface, or an ensemble of points. It is calculated as the root mean square distance of the objects’ parts from either its center of gravity or a given axis.”  An explanation and the formulae can be found at the above link in Wikipedia or any good engineering textbook!

Thanks to the 40 “followers” on this blog and we are encouraged with the increasing number of visitors that averaged about 800 per month in the second half of 2012.

Happy New Year!

So many establishments and so little time!!

So many establishments and so little time!!

Beerchaser Miscellany II

One Year of Touring Taverns, Pubs and Bars and Still Going Strong

Thebeerchaser Tour – One Year Anniversary

It has been one year since Thebeerchaser’s Tour of Portland Bars commenced.  During that year I have reviewed 23 bars, pubs and taverns and the original premise for taking this journey has been confirmed — each bar has had its own personality, ambiance, flaws and character.  From the first stop – Brooklyn Park Pub (August 2011) to Lutz Tavern (July 2012) and even the one in Washington (Pourhouse – August, 2012) – all have been worth the visit.

As a result, I strongly disagree with the quote from a review of one of the bars I visited:

“I’m beginning to understand the formula for what constitutes a popular bar in Portland….Make it dark, create some reason for the service to suck and make PBR cheaper than soda….”

Good – But Doesn’t Make the Bar Necessarily Great

Because of the sheer number of Portland bars, my original guidelines were to visit a bar from each letter of the alphabet and then restart the cycle; however, I have thrown that practice out.  I go where you suggest or where I happen to see bartenders, bar stools, PBR or microbrews sold, etc. ……The guideline of reviewing only Portland bars also fell by the wayside when I reviewed Pour House – a Port Townsend establishment.  It was too good not to share and I will occasionally do future non-Portland venues.

Beerchasers-of-the-Month

During the last year, seven Beerchasers-of-the-Month (or Quarter when I get lazy) have been designated – an “honor” for which the person may or may not have a direct or indirect with beer or bars – I just wanted to tell you about them.  They include:

Craig Hanneman – Former OSU and Pittsburgh Steeler Football Player and Business Executive

The Crew of the USS Constitution

PSU Economics Professor, Dr. John Walker

Retired Oregonian columnist, John Terry

Author Dr. Frankfurt – Emeritus Professor of Philosophy at Princeto

Dr. Harry Frankfurt, Author of On Bullshit             

Crime Novelist James Crumley *

Four Portland Bartenders

Retired Chemical Engineer, Harold Schlumberg

* Crumley, a now deceased Montana writer, had an affinity for bars and beer (and gin) and was credited by some reviewers with the best opening line of any crime novel.  From his book, The Last Good Kiss:         

      “When I finally caught up with Abraham Trahearne, he was drinking beer with an alcoholic bulldog named Fireball Roberts, in a ramshackle joint just outside of Sonoma, California, drinking the heart right out of a fine spring afternoon.”                  

Drinking Buddy — Fireball Roberts

After reading another of his novels – The Mexican Tree Duckone gets a taste for Crumley’s perspective:

“I went through so much help that I actually hired a woman so drunk that she had forgotten that I had fired her the week before.”

Noted Crime Novelist

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Bar Joke Update

Occasionally, I have posted a few bar jokes from my collection.  This month’s selection is timeless – so to speak….:

“The past, present and future walk into a bar —

 It was really tense…..”              

It’s All Relative….

Becomes “light” headed when he drinks too much!

% * @ + !

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What Distinguishes Portland Besides Its Beers and Bars?

Voodoo Donuts, of course –

Brewer’s Inspiration

and as The Week, a national magazine in its August 17th issue reported on the new Rogue Brewery  Voodoo Donut Bacon Maple Ale. “This brew combines the flavors of wood-smoked malts and real maple syrup and bacon to create a ‘smoky, porky, nutty’ taste.”

Do you want pancakes or hasbrowns and eggs with that beer?

Makes Thebeerchaser wonder if he should stick to Keystone Light….!

Phoenix Sign

This sign from our visit to a bar named “The Speakeasy” in Phoenix last spring was worth sharing:

John Mansfield Update

A good friend and one of my favorite lawyers and former colleague, Schwabe Williamson and Wyatt’sJohn Mansfield, accompanied me on my visit to Mock Crest Tavern last May.  John is a patent lawyer and one, like many lawyers, who is extremely literal as contrasted to literate.   For example, after reading the phrase in the Mock Crest menu, “Breakfast Served – Any Time,” he tried to order “French Toast from the Renaissance Era.”                      

John and Hanna

Since our visit, he turned 50 and had a wonderful birthday party planned by his wife, Hanna (“John Mansfield Goes to L”) – As pointed out previously, John is a Renaissance Man having majored in music at the U of O before getting his law degree Magna Cum Laude at Cornell.  Highlight of the evening was John dazzling the crowd with classical (Dvorak) and then some more contemporary George Gershwin selections on the piano.

The Piano Man Will Also Prosecute Your Patent

He revealed to me another example of an attorney’s tendency to be literal causing a problem.  “A lawyer walking to the courthouse is waiting at a corner for a “Walk” signal next to a German Shepherd and a teenage boy walks up.  The boy asks the lawyer if his dog bites and the lawyer says “no,” so the kid leans down and pets the dog, who promptly sinks his teeth into the kid’s arm.  The boy says to the lawyer, “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite.”  The lawyer responds, “I did.  That’s not my dog….”

Not the Lawyer’s Dog…..

I was glad that John related this tale rather than that of the lawyer he knows whose last case was Budweiser.

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Phoenix Sun – Not!  And Speaking of Keystone Light….

Most basketball fans know that former Phoenix Suns guard, Steve Nash, was traded to the Lakers recently.

I loved the story from his first trip to SmogTown.  Some fans, saw him driving down the freeway.

Rates a Keystone Light Before Even Playing……

They recognized him in the back seat of his chauffeur-driven vehicle and shouted to  him when they pulled up beside him – both vehicles still traveling at full speed.  As the story goes, they proceeded to hand him a Key Stone Light, which he said he appreciated.

Perhaps when he has his first good game, he’ll rate a Stella.

Harold Schlumberg – Beer Chaser of the Month for August

Since this blog is all about “chasing” beer at neighborhood bars as a retirement goal, it behooves thebeerchaser to recognize a retired gentleman who was quoted in a recent internet post.  According to the article, Harold Schlumberg is a retired engineer who can be considered as a remarkable senior citizen.

He has found the courage to take on challenges that would make many folks pause or even wither.  Harold is an example to those, who as they get older, sometimes begin to doubt their ability “to make a difference in the world.”  He replied to an interviewer who asked, “What do you do now that you are retired?”

“Well, I’m fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and vodka into urine.  I do it every day and I really enjoy it.”

Harold should be an inspiration to us all……He also lends credence to the pundit who observed, “Inside every old person is a young person who wonders, What in the hell happened?'”

Harold