And Speaking of Iconic,,,

Welcome back to Thebeerchaser.  If you are seeing this post through an e-mail, please visit the blog by clicking on the title above to see all of the photos and the video at the end of the post and so the narrative isn’t clipped or shortened. 

As stated in my first two posts on the topic, I collect memorable descriptions of dive bars. Thus, I was very pleased to discover an exemplary portrayal of a New York City dive bar, named Malachy’s, in Harlen Coben’s novel Win. 

Now when I’m not reading Dostoevsky, Kant or Adam Smith in my collection of Great Books of the Western World, I read an occasional novel of escapist – trash fiction. (Significant exaggeration is acceptable in the first quarter of a new year, and it would make my parents happy since they gave them to us as kids in the 1960’s).

Coben’s novel wasn’t one of his best and the protagonist, “Win” (Windsor Horne Lockwood III) is a vain, egotistical trust-fund, rich guy.  If you don’t believe me, here’s his own description:

“The fact is that many people detest me on sight.  They see the towheaded blond locks. The ruddy complexion, the porcelain features, my haughty resting face – they smell the inescapable stink of old money that comes off me in relentless waves.

They think smug, snob, elitist, lazy, judgmental, undeservedly wealthy ne’er-do-good who was born not only with a silver spoon in his mouth, but a forty-eight piece silver place setting with a side of titanium steak knives.” Page 208

(Note: I agree with the Goodreads.com reviewer who opined, “Yes, Win is a rich bad boy; but he doesn’t have to be such a thoroughly unlikable ass all the time.”).  But I digress – back to dive bars……

Now there is, in fact, a bar named Malachy’s in New York City – it’s an Irish pub on West 72nd Street, but it doesn’t sound too much like the one described by Win in Corban’s novel.  

“‘You’re you a good-looking fella?’ ‘Yes.’ I say, ‘Yes I am.’  Kathleen, the long-time barmaid at Malachy’s, cackles a half laugh, half-cigarette cough at that one. She has a rye (I mean that in two ways) smile and yellow (as opposed to blonde) hair. 

Kathleen is comfortably north of sixty years old, but she wears it will confidence and an old-world sultry appeal that some might describe as burlesque.  She is buxom and curvy and soft.  I like Kathleen immediately, but I recognize that it is her occupation to be liked.  (#1 – #2)

“If I was a little younger…’Kathleen begins. ‘Or if I were a little luckier,’ I counter. ‘Oh stop!’ ‘Don’t sell yourself short, Kathleen.  The night is young.’ ‘You’re being fresh.’  She playfully slaps me with a dishrag last laundered during the Eisenhower administration.  ‘Charming. Good looking as hell, but fresh.'”

Win Lockwood continues with his description of the bar:

“As I said before, Malachy’s is a legit dive bar- poor lighting, stained (and I mean that in two ways) wood paneling, dead flies in the light fixtures, patrons so regular that it’s sometimes hard to see where the stool ends and their butts begin.

A sign above the bar reads ‘Life is Good. So is Beer.’  Wisdom.  Regulars blend well with the newcomers and pretty much anything goes but pretension.

There are two televisions, one set up at either end of the bar.  The New York Yankees are losing on one, the New York Rangers are losing on the other.  No one in Malachy’s seems to be invested in either.”   (#3)

(The Fictitious Malachy’s)

“The menu is standard pub faire.  Frankie Boy insists I order the chicken wings.  Out comes a plate of grease with a smattering of bone.  I slide it to him.”   Page 97-98  (#4)

The Contrast with Dives

Before I tell you about the real Malachy’s, it helps to make my point by quoting Win’s description of a brewery in Williamsburg.  While it doesn’t apply to any brewery I’ve been to in Portland, it helps to contrast the ambiance of a stereotypical dive with one of the new trendy craft breweries:

“(It) was packed with – I shouldn’t stereotype – annoying hipsters.  Located in a tony warehouse…the bar drew a crowd in their twenties, maybe early thirties, who were trying so hard not to appear mainstream that they simply redefined the mainstream.

The men had hipster glasses (you know what they are); asymmetric facial hair; flimsy scarfs draped loosely around their necks; suspender on strategically ripped jean, retro concert tees that struggled to be iconic; man-buns or…the carefully tilted fedora; and of course, boots that could be high or low or any hue, but you’d label them hipster boots.”  (#5 – #7)

And Win goes on about this hip brewery:

“The female of the species offered up a wider range – second-hand vintage pickups, flannels, cardigans, unmatching layer, acid wash, fishnets – the rule being nothing mainstream, which again, makes them just mainstream with a desperation stench.” (Page 302)  (#8 – #10)

After his cynical depiction of the patrons, he completes it with an acerbic portrayal of the brewery itself:

“Too many beers on tap – IPA’s, stout, lager, pilsner, porter, autumnal, winter, summer (beers now have seasons), orange, pumpkin, watermelon, chocolate (I almost looked for a Cap’n Crunch artisanal) – are being served in Mason jars rather than glasses or mugs.  

…As I pass through, I hear a swirl of the following terminology:  bro, bae, edible, gluten, FOMO, kale, sesh, self-care, fleek, screenplay, kombucha, I can’t even, the struggle is real.  (Clarification, I do not literally hear those terms, but I think I do.) 

The floors are concrete, the lighting low.  In the right-hand corner, someone spins vinyl records.  Eco-friendly yoga mats that appear to be as comfortable as tweed undergarments are laid out on the left; a flexible man with a beard the approximate dimensions of a lobster-bib leads the mildly inebriated through a sun salutation.” (Page 303)  (#11 – #16)

Finishing with the Real Malachy’s in New York City

Malachy’s is actually an Irish Pub – in New York City – near the Beacon Theatre, Lincoln Center, Central Park and Riverside Park.  It began a much-delayed renovation of the exterior which was cut short by the pandemic in 2022, as reported in this article in the New York Post entitled: 

“Don’t judge Malachy’s on the Upper West Side by its cover”

“’It’s a shame to leave something looking that way on an otherwise very pretty block,’ said Haley Fox, owner of Alice’s Tea Cup, one block over. ‘At least throw some paint on it.’

But Malachy’s — a fixture on West 72nd Street off Columbus Ave. since the late ’80s — is the kind of place people like ‘because it’s old and ugly,’ insisted Mike Mishkin, owner of news site ilovetheupperwestside.com.

‘It kind of went from dive bar to burnt down crack den, but hopefully it will look nice once they’re done renovating,’ he said.”  (#17)

And the social media reviews are pretty good – with a Yelp average of 3.3 out of 5.0 with the largest number in the 5.0 category.   

There appear to be two general trends in the reviews – more recent assessments which are largely positive and those going back to as far as 2010 when it was more of a shabby dive such as these four:

“Solid place, this really is a dive. The patrons are older and serious about their drinking. The place is well-lit and has a few small tv’s going. I am surprised a few of you tried the food. The smell usually gets to be too much to eat.”    1/2010

“It can be a little depressing when all the locals are watching Jeopardy on tv like it was their living room. Service was very slow and surly. Won’t be back.”    5/2017

“I’ve lived in the neighborhood for years but never went in here. This is the story of how I learned that I was not missing much. Food was decent. Service was abysmal; the waitress had one of the worst attitudes of anyone I’ve encountered at a bar and/or restaurant. There are too many places in the area to waste your time with this one.” 11/2013

“I tried. I swear. But it’s just gross in there. Like way grosser than a dive should be. Gross & depressing.”      4/2013  (#18 – #20)

But a few more recent appraisals are encouraging to potential patrons:

“Moved to 72nd Street in May 2021 and fell in love with Malachy’s I did not know places like this existed in NYC anymore. Super old school no nonsense Irish bar with terrific pub food and staff who, like the Irish, are friendly but don’t put up with a lot of nonsense. Highly recommended for anyone who just wants to have a beer and relax.”     3/2023

“This is the greatest place on earth. Perfect Guinness, good food, anyone who says otherwise is a dunce. A 10 out of 10.   5/2022

“Do not be put off by the total lack of décor. Food amazingly good and so cheap for NYC. Customers extremely welcoming as is the staff.  A place to settle in and enjoy one of the last neighborhood pubs in the city. Drinks also very, very reasonable. Beer is fresh and cold. My friends and my favorite meeting place.”    5/2015  (#21)

But as for Me!

I haven’t been back to my birthplace in Merrick, Long Island since Fall of 2018 and when we return to New York City (I hope in the near future) you better believe that I will be raising a mug in this pub.

Okay – One More Post on Dive Bars to Follow

It’s hard to restrain myself when posting about a topic I’m so enamored with.  So, I have to save my designation of the Gold Medal of Dives to the final post in this series.  Stay tuned – it’s a classic and its owner is a class act. (#22)

External Photo Attribution

#1. Wikimedia Commons (File:Unidentified woman with a cigarette (18991599099).jpg – Wikimedia Commons)  This image was originally posted to Flickr by Provincial Archives of Alberta at https://flickr.com/photos/95711690@N03/18991599099. It was reviewed on 7 October 2015 by FlickreviewR and was confirmed to be licensed under the terms of the No known copyright restrictions.  14 May 2009.

#2. Wikimedia Commons (File:White dishcloth on a stainless steel kitchen sink 2.jpg – Wikimedia Commons)This file is made available under the Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication.)  Author:   W.carter – 20 February 2019. 

#3. Wikimedia Commons (File:Flies around 60 watt light globe.jpg – Wikimedia Commons) This file is published under the following Creative Commons license:  Author: fir0002 flagstaffotos [at] gmail.com. 2006.

#4.  Wikimedia Commons (File:Chicken Wings (7069003341).jpg – Wikimedia Commons) Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license. Author:  Neil Conway https://www.flickr.com/people/30934989@N06 – 1 April 2012.

#5. Wikimedia Commons (File:Hipster, Newtown, hipster beard, retro watch, colourful glasses.jpg – Wikimedia Commons)  Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.  Author: Medicating Factors  26 January 2020.

#6. Wikimedia Commons (File:Man in distressed jeans, grey jacket and T-shirt with skull design.jpg – Wikimedia Commons)  Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.   Author: May Lee  – 1 May 2012.

#7. Wikimedia Commons (File:Timberlake Pilgrimage Festival.jpg – Wikimedia Commons) Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.  Author: MarkBriello – 24 September 2017.

#8. Wikimedia Commons (File:Woman in a red miniskirt and green cardigan crop.jpg – Wikimedia Commons)  Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.  Author: Jamie – 14 May 2012.

#9. Wikimedia Commons (File:Cycling with fishnet stockings.jpg – Wikimedia Commons) Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.  Author: Richard Masoner / Cyclelicious – 17 September 2010.

#10. Wikimedia Commons (File:Cercis Brewing Company 140 N Dickason Blvd, Columbus, WI 53925 (14).jpg – Wikimedia Commons) Llicensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.  Author: Downspec – 31 May 2018.

#11. Mason Jar Lager Company (The Mason Jar Lager Co | Southern Hospitality in Holly Springs and Fuquay-Varina, NC

#12. Wikimedia Commons (File:Happy beer taps (4976631099).jpg – Wikimedia Commons)  Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.  Author: Weldon Kennedy from London, UK – 28 August 2010.

#13. Wikimedia Commons (File:Michael J. “Orange Mike” Lowrey.jpg – Wikimedia Commons) Llicensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.  Author: Orangemike  2 March 2022.

#14. Wikimedia Commons (File:Plano medio – Yoga.jpg – Wikimedia Commons) Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.  Author: Martinsm95 13 October 2015.

#15. Wikimedia Commons  (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Das_Vinyl_dreht_sich.jpg) Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license. Author: Sulamith Sallmann 11 June 2017.

#15 – #20.  Malachy Irish Pub Website Photo Gallery (https://www.malachysirishpub.com/gallery).

#21.  Drawing courtesy of Pam Williams.