Portland Beer Tavern | Thebeerchaser

Tanker is another one of the great taverns located in Portland’s “Barmuda Triangle” (BT) on Hawthorne Street (see Beerchaser post on October 3, 2012). And while it might be assumed that the moniker for this bar is a tribute to the “iron beasts” that General George Patton used when he commanded the US Third Army to help defeat the Germans in World War II, it is actually named for the magnificent and mammoth ships that haul cargo in the Columbia and the world’s various waterways.

An excerpt from Portland Barfly gives a very apt description of this combination neighborhood tavern and dive bar. (Note that we learned from Jessie, our friendly Tanker bartender, that the BT is also known as “The Stumble Zone” — for obvious reasons to those with any kind of deductive reasoning capabilities.)

“…..in the heart of the Stumble Zone, lies the capsized hull of The Tanker. The sea-worthy attention to detail shows freshly swapped decks and a total lack of barnacles…….

While you won’t mourn for the lost souls of lonely sailors, you will enjoy friendly service, tasty grinders and possibly the most reliable Wi-Fi in all of Portland.”

A Seaworthy Version of the Namesake

After having a beer at Beer on Belmont Street (see Beerchaser post on April 7, 2013) Portland Attorney and Beerchaser of the First Quarter of 2013, Jim Westwood, and I hit Tanker for dinner and a nightcap.

You might remember that Westwood has advanced linguistic skills and his late and wonderful mom, Catherine, happened to be both his and my Latin teacher at Oregon City High School, which was fortunate that night.

While the only Latin words I remember – understandably never successful in high school or college as a pick-up line – were “pulchra puella” (beautiful girl), Jim translated the Latin phrase used in Tanker’s coat-of-arms below, which is a very appropriate motto:

And who says High School Latin was not a useful course??

“In heaven there is no beer, so that’s why we drink it here.”

That promoted discussion of the converse assertion, which we decided should be, “In hell, you can drink all the beer you want, but there’s none available except Keystone Light.”

Tanker has pinball machines, Pacman Battle Royale, and as one might expect, the Big Buck Hunter Safari video game. According to the Willamette Week 2010 Drink Guide, “….the nautically themed waterhole has the most avid followers of the game (in Portland).”

A game in which one tries to shoot the life out of galloping electronic gazelles led me to question Jim about his prior legal work in Oregon Firearms Education Foundation v. State Board of Higher Education, a 2011 case regarding regulation of firearms on Oregon university campuses.

The real type of pinball machine

While the Oregon Court of Appeals ruled against Jim’s client being able to regulate guns by Administrative Rule, the court opened the door by affirming the State Board of Higher Education’s authority to control its property. This enabled the Board in 2012 to unanimously adopt a policy that bans guns from most corners of campus life.

Mandatory Background Checks for BBH as a start???

I suggested that possibly a reasonable first-step towards rational gun control policy would be to persuade Wayne LaPierre, of the NRA, to agree to support mandatory background checks for people who play Big Buck Hunter.

Possibly a good strategy, but he would undoubtedly bemoan government intrusion while asserting that the Founding Fathers intended the Second Amendment to include electronic weapons and besides, Big Buck Hunter provides a training ground for a well-regulated militia.

Distinguishing Characteristics

Naughty Bingo on Tuesday nights: As described in a Tanker review: “Win Adult novelties playing bingo……drink discounts as well as a signature cocktail list featuring The Naughty Bingo Martini. Everybody wins something.”

Name Your Tall Boy and Join the Can Clan….

Tall Boys and Whiskey Selection:

Besides their 15 Taps, Tanker has 42 different varieties of Tall Boys and more than 30 whiskeys.

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Drink one of each type of Tall Boy and you become a member of the “Can Clan” and get a free t-shirt and a $1 perpetual discount. The same is true once you have downed one shot of each of their 30 varieties of whiskey.

They have a lot of “regulars” for the variety of events they host and feature Trail Blazer and Portland Timber games on their five big-screen TVs with drink discounts.

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And While we are on the Subject, A Brief Tribute to My Favorite Tanker….

Thebeerchaser’s brother, Garry, was a West Point (Class of 1972) graduate who chose the Armored Cavalry i.e. Tanks, as his occupational specialty. During his time at West Point, he was a member of the West Point Glee Club and a small combo in that group called The Headliners.

As the picture below shows, they played at the White House for President Nixon and also appeared on the Mike Douglas show on CBS national television.

“Don’t worry, Cadets, your performance has been recorded…..” (Cadet Williams to the immediate left of Nixon)

Garry had billets at Fort Bliss in Texas, Fort Knox in Kentucky (where the CO was George Patton V) and an extended assignment in Schweinfurt, Germany. He was an outstanding junior officer during his six years in the Army as this excerpt from a 1974 fitness report, written by a Colonel, demonstrates:

“Lt. Williams judgment is of the highest order – totally dedicated to improving his subordinates – devoted to his duty and the battalion.

He has a perspective and understanding which far exceed any other officer in his battalion….He is the best young officer I have ever known. His talents are so far beyond those expected of even the most outstanding officer that no narrative can do him justice.”

“Soldier, obviously you haven’t heard of the slogan, ‘Don’t Tread on Me.'”

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After the military he worked at Tektronix for several years and married a beautiful lady named Pam. Unfortunately, Garry died in 1989, but this post and a round of beer is dedicated to his memory.

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When you’re in the Stumble Zone, give Tanker a try even if it is not on a Naughty Tuesday Night. As one Barfly reviewer summed up quite succinctly, “good bar, good times, good vibe…”And the food was good too – ask for the chicken quesadilla which Jessie cooked himself and was one of a number of good items on Tanker’s menu.

: Jesse, the Bartender and Thebeerchaser logo

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Tanker 4825 SE Hawthorne

The Entrance to Beer – the Bar

The name of a bar or tavern will often reveal much about the owner or the environment of the establishment. Such is the case with “Beer,” a new pub opened last December at 1410 SE Stark Street. Just researching the pub for this blog, shows part of the dilemma. If one searches “Beer,” using Google, your computer screen will show 556 million possible hits for the term!

John Stewart, the cordial owner of Beer and Meat Cheese and Bread

Finding their website (there is none) or even reviews for Beer was problematic as the owner, John Stewart, admitted. He may want to consider this a marketing issue because he has a nice little neighborhood tavern waiting for new patrons and deserving them.

Even the sheet listing the take-out beers, which is extensive, did not have an address or phone number. In addition, the only visible external sign on the street is very innocuous.

Just a few of the interesting beer labels which enhance the ambiance of Beer

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One review suggested just Googling “beer Portland,” however, that didn’t work either although it did reveal that Portland State University is now offering a new on-line course in craft beer brewing.

Solving the World’s Problems appropriately…!

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This is not to suggest that naming a tavern to commemorate beer is not virtuous. As one pundit opined, “One does not solve the world’s problem over white wine.”

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That night, I was accompanied by my friend, Portland attorney Jim Westwood, who besides being a veteran and skilled lawyer was recently honored with the distinction of being this blog’s Beerchaser of the Quarter for January – March 2013. Follow the link to see the write-up which includes a summary of the Portland State College team for the GE College Bowl TV show. Jim was the captain of that team in the 1960’s.

The intensity of their successful preparation for that show by renowned PSC (now PSU) speech professor, the late Ben Padrow, still had an impact on my drinking buddy that night. He would periodically hit a glass with a spoon and yell out as the bartender walked by, “I’ll try a toss-up Bob,” (for Bob. Earle, the host of the show.)

Jim Westwood drinking beer at Beer…an advanced cerebrum is evident. Still quick on the up-take for toss-up questions…..

Since there was no one in the bar from the other college to respond, he would then proceed to spout facts about such diverse topics as esoteric Renaissance art, differential equations or landmark Supreme Court decisions. For example, he queried, Angie the bartender, wondering if the Higgs Boson (God Particle) really “mattered.” Angie, was appropriately dismissive in her response by asking, “When will the rhetorical questions ever end?”

Beer is a small venue (previously a salon) with only about thirty seats – about twelve or so along the nice long bar, at small tables scattered throughout the long – thin rectangular setting.

A nice part of the de’cor

They have ten beers on tap. Jim had a Little Saison from Pfriem Brewery in Hood River and I had a Two Dogs IPA from Portland’s Coalition Brewery (see the link for Beerchaser review.

True to its values, Beer does not serve hard liquor and there is no food served – not a problem, however, since one can order a great sandwich from Meat, Cheese and Bread, the sandwich shop next door, until 7:00 P.M. John Stewart also owns the sandwich shop and will probably expand hours in the summer. Food can also be brought in from any of the nearby establishments.

The sandwich shop next door is great for food to consume at Beer

If you don’t care for one of the draft beers, just pick out any of the 80 to 100 bottled beers or ciders listed on their menu. They are cheaper to take out than drink on site although why not do both? Stewart says that many customers have a pint at the bar and then take some home.

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An extensive list of beers at the bar or to go.

An extensive list of beers and ciders at the bar or to go.

While Beer may be a little bit of a challenge to locate, it is definitely worth a visit. And while you’re at this sterling example of a Portland neighborhood bar, hoist a mug and toast Jim Westwood, the first Beerchaser of the Quarter for 2013.

Beer 1410 SE Stark Street