About Thebeerchaser

Retired Chief Operating Officer at a large Northwest regional law firm. Attended Oregon State University in the late '60's and went to Portland State University for graduate school. Have resided in Oregon since our family moved here in 1960.

Beerchaser of the Quarter – Author and Wine Drinker, Brian Doyle

Posted on February 24, 2014 by Thebeerchaser

Author, editor and former basketball all-star

Author, editor and one-time basketball all-star

I knew that I had to meet and have a beer with Portland author and editor, Brian Doyle, when I saw the Portland Tribune article – “An Egghead Walks Into a Bar.” It reports on his work with University of Portland alum and inventor, John Beckman, to create what has become the annual Brian Doyle Scholarships in Gentle & Sidelong Humor – $3,333.33 per student for one academic year, during which the multiple recipients must create and publicly share a project of some sort that “brings the community together in laughter…”

According to Brian, who is the Editor of the University’s award-winning magazine, “The Humor Project” makes UP, the only university of its kind to have this type of project, and affirms a key personal philosophy – “Humor defeats fatuous pomposity and arrogance.” Realizing that Doyle’s talents are creativity and marketing – not administration, one of Beckman’s stipulations was that Brian was to be integrally involved, but not in charge of the project!

Brian Doyle self portrait – Humor – What humor??

Reinforcing my intent to have a brewski with him was the quote in the preface to Doyle’s book, Osama Bin Laden’s Bald Spot. After one of its short stories, “Hurtgen,” won a national award from the Catholic Press Association, he wrote, “(This) was pretty cool, although there was no beer in it for me…..”

——–

The Fulton – opened by the McMenamins in 1988 and reportedly the original home of Hammerhead Ale.

———

So I wrote Brian and told him that I wanted to “honor” him in the Beerchaser blog. I was pleased, if not somewhat surprised that he accepted this unusual request and we met in his favorite bar – The Fulton Brew Pub. (To be reviewed in this blog in the next month or two along with Brian’s essay on the pub.)

In preparation, I read some of his essays, a bunch of short stories and watched videos of a few of his speeches. His creativity, humor and well….his off-the-wall idiosyncrasy was impressive. One does not know how many of these tales are based on his actual experience, embody some embellished conceptual truths or he just dreamed up when he was ruminating in his den. But after chatting with him for ninety minutes at his favorite pub, I would suggest most are the former.

Chatting over drinks at The Fulton

Let me give you a few examples:

One of his short stories – “Three Basketball Stories,” chronicles:

“…. a basketball league once in Boston that was so tough that when guys drove to the hole, they lost fingers. One time a guy….got hit so hard his right arm fell off, but he was a lefty and hit both free throws before going to the bench….

I heard that his team later had a funeral for the arm with everyone carrying the casket with only one arm as a goof but they all got so howling drunk that they lost the arm and had to bury the casket empty and then they spent the rest of the night trying to remember every lefty guy in the history of sports……”

(Brian was named to a city league all-star team in Boston in 1983 and has the jersey framed in his office. (Fortunately, he did not appear to have a prosthetic device for his right (drinking) arm.)

An honor worth an arm but probably not a leg….

One of his short stories, “The Boyfriends Bus,” is about a guy who organized a field trip with nine of his wife’s former boyfriends – another example of the writer’s active imagination:

“….So we rented a bus for the day, a small bus, sort of half a bus….and we hired a guy to take us out in the wine country for the day….Anyway, we all got sizzled, the other nine boyfriends and me, and all day guys were ribbing me for having won her hand, I was elected president of the bus and got to make decisions about which wineries to stop at and all, and in the end it was kind of poignant…..

Each guy said with genuine affection and respect that my wife was a wonderful woman, absolutely, an unforgettable woman, that his time with her was really a highlight of his life.”

The look if you split and infinitive or misuse an adverb…but not if you like long sentences…

Speaking of bars…..there’s an essay – “On the Misuse of Adverbs” – in which he relates the hilarious account of his five brothers and him getting kicked out of a New York City bar based on an altercation. It erupted when they were defending a young woman — and the English language:

“Finally there was a moment when the young man leaned toward the young woman and gently covered her exquisite digits with his offensive paws and said:

‘Hopefully, you and I… ‘ at which point my brother Thomas stood up suddenly, launched himself over the balcony rail, landed with a stupendous crash on their table, and said to the young man, ‘Never, and I mean never, begin a sentence with an adverb.”‘

Portland Magazine

While some of these tales may lead you to think that Brian is a total flake, that would be the wrong impression – he’s mirthful and loves humor, but is a gifted writer and editor of the superb University of Portland magazine, Portland, and very serious about his craft.

Portland Magazine cover – Autumn 2013

Brian is the second editor of the quarterly journal – assuming the position in 1994 when he came to UP. “The intent is not to have a glossy piece for alumni public relations. The objectives are to make you laugh, cry, lose your temper or kneel in prayer while concurrently punching you in the gut.”

The first Portland article I read (and excerpted for this blog ) was Father Patrick Hannon’s wonderful essay about the Twilight Room – the fifth bar I reviewed on Thebeerchaser Tour of Portland Bars, Taverns and Pubs.

I am now a regular reader based on articles such as Brian’s profile of Portland swimmer and speaker, Karen Gaffney, who just received an honorary doctorate from UP for her achievements and work on Downs syndrome.

Profile of Portland’s Karen Gaffney in the Winter 2014 edition of Portland

Or read Brian’s 2009 essay, “The Terrible Brilliance,” based on the art therapy work his wife does for young children with serious illnesses – a piece which both punched me in the gut and brought a tear to my eye because my daughter, Laura, works as a pediatric oncology nurse with these same children.

Portland Magazine, won Newsweek Magazine’s “national championship” of college and university magazines, beating out the Harvards, Stanfords and the other powerhouses in the SEC and Pac 12 that have academic programs even their football players admire. It has also won five Gold Medals. Perhaps it’s because the magazine is, “addicted to silly humor, roaring anger and is deliberately provocative.”

Even though I had two outstanding pints of Nebraska Bitter (first brewed at The Fulton Pub in honor of Nebraska Street where it was first brewed) and Brian had two glasses of pinot, we ran out of time to talk about his ten books – his next novel (The Plover) will be published in April and Mink River was a finalist for an Oregon Book Award in 2012.

Brian Doyle’s novels

If you do a Google search like I did to research Brian Doyle, you will get 3,230,000 potential hits and discover there are other famous Brian Doyles – a Canadian children’s author, a former New York Yankee who starred in the 1978 World Series (even though his career batting average was only 161) and even a former Deputy Press Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security – forced out after conviction of a felony.

In fact, Brian decided in 2002 to write letters to the other 215 Brian Doyles he found in a national directory to learn more about them:

Tell me a little bit about yourself, I wrote us recently. How did you get your name? What do you do for work? What are your favorite pursuits? Hobbies? Avocations? Have any of us named our sons Brian? What Irish county were your forebears from? Where were you born? Where did you go to college? What’s your wife’s name?

He spoke to or corresponded with 111 and his essay, “Being Brian,” was published in Harper’s Magazine. “Oddly, we were all neurotic about getting to airports early (at least two hours) and all had terrible handwriting.” After talking to Brian, I have a feeling he would have undertaken this endeavor even if his name had been Jim Johnson or maybe even Alexi Fronkiwiecz……..

Being Brian….

While there may be 215 or more Brian Doyles across the US – and who knows how many more in Australia, Asia, Africa and Antarctica – we are fortunate to have our own right on the University of Portland campus.

In 2006, he wrote a book, The Grail – a chronicle of “A year ambling and shambling through an Oregon vineyard in pursuit of the best pinot noir wine in the whole wild world.” Maybe that’s when he converted from drinking beer to wine although he admits he will still have a Hammerhead at the Fulton if it is really hot.

The Grail – available at Amazon.

Brian Doyle is a gifted story-teller with a great sense of humor and a good jump shot, albeit a slowing first step to the hole. He’s also a man of strong faith and values and a good dad.

Doyle is humble and has the courage and conviction to castigate both institutions and individuals for hypocrisy or pomposity whether it’s the Catholic Church or a politician. And his gift of language makes his criticism piercing and memorable.

The above reasons explain why a guy who now drinks wine instead of beer can still be the Beerchaser of the Quarter.

Read his stuff – you will admire and enjoy it!

Note: I was profoundly saddened at the passing of this great human being on May 27, 2017, at the age of 60, after being diagnosed with brain cancer the previous November. Brian is survived by his wife, Mary, his daughter, Lily and twin sons, Liam and Joseph. His solid faith sustained him through surgery and treatment and he showed love, humor and the personality traits that endeared all who knew him until the end. The family received tributes from all over the world lauding his literary career and his humanity.

Thebeerchaser’s tribute to him is at

https://thebeerchaser.com/2017/06/09/brian-doyle-beerchaser-eternal/

To honor his legacy, the University of Portland has set a goal to raise $1 million towards the cost of the new Brian Doyle Lecture Hall.

https://www.giving.up.edu/s/1797/home.aspx?sid=1797&gid=2&pgid=672

The Cheerful Bullpen

Posted on February 14, 2014 by Thebeerchaser

The Cheerful Bullpen – across from Jeld-Wen Field

One of the earlier bars reviewed on Thebeerchaser’s Tour of Portland Bars, Pubs and Taverns was the historic Cheerful Tortoise in 2012. This noted sports bar adjacent to the campus at Portland State University is owned by Amy Nichols – also the proprietor of the Cheerful Bullpen – located right across from Jeld-Wen Field (news flash – now Providence Park.) The Bull Pen reportedly has had five previous owners and been around for 66 years.

: Amy, Denny and our waitress, Ashley with Thebeerchaser log

I was accompanied by Denny Ferguson, who also Beerchased with me at the Tortoise, and persuaded Amy to join us – a good decision. Amy is a great story, herself, and has owned both bars since 2008.

An airbrushed version….

Denny, who served as President of JBL&K Risk Services, before becoming Director of Business Development at Portland State University, is a Portland “institution.”

He is a formidable golfer and tennis player and a great human being – so positive that he sings along with the music in elevators. His initial months in college at Santa Clara University were a little traumatic because it was the first time he had been away from home —-other than serving in the Marine Corps…..

The name of this bar evokes memories of what once was in Portland – The Portland Beavers, established in 1903 and playing in Vaughn Street Stadium, then Multnomah Stadium and ultimately Civic Stadium before it became a soccer venue. That’s when there was actually a bullpen at the stadium across from the Cheerful Bullpen!

The Beavers, although only a Triple A farm club for the Cleveland Indians in the 1960’s, had a rich history. Future major leaguers such as pitchers “Sudden” Sam McDowell, Luis Tiant and left-fielder and then Major League manager, Lou Pinella, thrilled Portland fans and the antics of player/manager Frank “The Flake” Peters (now proprietor of the Grand Café) are legendary.

Owner, pPitcher and manager, Walt McCredie, part of the Portland Beavers heritage.

I have fond memories of taking my daughters to Beaver games. Some consider the fact that one now has to travel to Hillsboro for minor league baseball to be a tragedy. Given the preponderance of current Cheerful Bullpen patrons who are soccer fans, there are probably those who would advocate a name to something like the Yellow Card Inn or changing to an Irish name such as Kitty O’ Shea’s. Don’t do it, Amy!!

But we digress – now back to The Cheerful Bullpen…Amy, grew up in Long Beach, Washington and earned her stripes serving as the “only girl deckhand” on an Alaskan fishing boat when she was thirteen, was a beer-cart girl at Heron Lakes Golf Course and then eventually waitressed at both Harvey’s Comedy Club and then the Cheerful Tortoise, where she worked her way up to manager.

Amy and her staff - not afraid of working hard...

Ashley and Amy – not afraid of working hard…

Former owner, Pat Lockhart, was a mentor and sold the The Tortoise and The Bullpen to her in 2008.

She remembers scrubbing walls at The Bullpen to rid it of built up grease and cigarette smoke stains and investing to make it a quality sports bar experience – and that it is.

—————–

If it’s a broadcast sporting event, you are probably going to see it on one of the 21 TVs.

There are 21 TV’s, two pool tables, Big Buck Hunter video, two fireplaces and a very big patio which holds 50 -60 people – it’s especially popular after Timbers’ games or other athletic events at Jeld-Wen.

The twelve beers on tap that night were:

Bud Light – Budweiser Laurelwood – Widmer Hef
Alameda Rotator
Bridgeport IPA
10 Barrel Rotator
Deschutes Rotator
Ninkasi Rotator
OakShire Rotator

Two Bullpen Bartender Choice Rotators

They also have a brisk “Beer-to-Go” trade with twenty-two different beers from all over the world in bottles, cans and available for growlers.

You may have one of the twelve draft beers drawn by The Cheerful Mascot.

Distinguishing Characteristics

The Food – As with the Tortoise, the Bullpen offers its legendary $2 breakfast (2 pancakes and 2 eggs) all day. But their most notable menu item is the wings.

You can get 17 to 20 different flavors and on Tuesdays nights (Tightwad Tuesdays) six wings for $2 in addition to $1 beers. One patron who heard us talking about the wings called them “really amazing.”

As evidence, here’s an October 2013 Yelp review excerpt: “Every Tues starting at 8pm is Wing Night – wings of all flavors for $2…You want to get there before 8 to avoid a $3 cover, and to grab a table especially if there is a big game on. The list if flavors ranges from mild to “burn your face off.”

“Really Amazing” Wings

And on Saturdays – there’s all you can eat pasta dishes from $6.95 (noon until midnight). Otherwise you’ encounter a full menu with burgers, fish and chips, pizza, etc.

Buffalo!!?? If you go to the Bullpen on Sundays during football season, you will encounter scads (as many as 150 – 200) Buffalo Bills fans rooting for their team – an arrangement Amy brokered in 2009.

Every time the Bills score, the group breaks into song. (In 2013 – 339 points scored (21.2 / game) or 22nd of 32 in the NFL) – so the songs are infrequent enough not to be disruptive!!)

The Buffalo Sabres hockey team also has a fan group as does the American Outlaws soccer team.

Now evidently this doesn’t square with one guy who wrote a Yelp 2012 review and was irate because, “….I found myself here on a Sunday, so everyone else was here to watch football. Yuck. I don’t think the baseball games were on any screen and I’m pretty sure there would have been a brawl if I had requested a channel change on even just one TV.” (He could have just gone to The Cheerful Tortoise)

Reviews of the Bullpen were good although some complained about delays after Timber games or summer events at Jeld-Wen when the 60-seat patio and the bar are both filled – to a certain extent, something one would expect. Based on the staff we saw, they are good people who work hard.

Amy Nichols is an entrepreneur, a good marketer and a Portland success story. She keeps her establishments hopping with events such as Wednesday nights Pub Trivia through the “Geeks Who Drink” organization, monthly VIP Blazer Packages and sponsors periodic charity events such as golf tournaments.

And when you visit the Bullpen, you just might get to say hello to Denny Ferguson – although he will probably greet you first!

The Cheerful Bullpen

Denny Ferguson - a man with no closing time and who is comfortable with a Budweiser

Denny Ferguson – a man with no finish line, no closing time and who is comfortable with a Budweiser although he could drink Dos Equis if he chose it

Wait — Did you say “Handy Slut…..?”

Posted on February 7, 2014 by Thebeerchaser

The Sandy Hut – A great neighborhood/dive bar – not a restaurant

The outlandish and long purple building known as The Sandy Hut, looked intriguing when I passed it several months ago on the way to review another great Portland dive bar on Sandy Blvd. – The Slammer.

I was also surprised to learn the Voodoo Donuts has a second Portland location – Voodoo Too right across the street.

While the “Handy Slut,” as it is known to regulars and operating since 1923, has been missing for several years from my favorite bar reference guide – The Annual Willamette Drink Guide, the descriptions from these 2008-9 excerpts were still spot on:

2009 – “When people from outside the area—say, writers for The New York Times—think of Portland, they imagine we all look like the eclectic mix of customers at the Sandy Hut. Even post-smoking ban, if you look at the Sandy Hut in the right light, you can still feel the nicotine fog filling every cubic inch of the air.

It’s the sort of place you can wear a leather choke collar and no one will bat an eye, but a full suit and tie will lead to exclusion from the bar’s spontaneous bouts of insanity.”

A great group of “regulars”

2008 – “The Handy Slut, as regulars and the bar’s merchandise call it, is a lurid, windowless utopia. It looks like it once housed the Rat Pack—and hasn’t cleaned since the party ended.

The drinks pack enough alcohol to fuel a racecar, and often mere eye contact constitutes consent. The east side loves you, Sandy—you dirty little slut.”

Mansfield admiring the poster by on an exterior wall and wondering if it is copyrighted.

Mansfield admiring the Jackie Danger mural on an exterior wall and wondering if it is copyrighted.

———

One of Thebeerchaser’s most frequent and entertaining regulars, Portland lawyer, John Mansfield, (His firm’s slogan is “Smart Law – Smart Clients!”) accompanied me He was also present at The Slammer, Church, The Ship Tavern and Mock
Crest Tavern).

John, who focuses on Intellectual Property law and litigation, and I always have interesting conversations while raising our mugs, and the Sandy Hut was no exception, to wit:

He expressed concern about the proliferation of “patent trolls,” i.e. individuals or groups which buy obscure patents and then threaten lawsuits against hundreds or even thousands of people and businesses to coerce them to pay cash to make what is a specious lawsuit, go away.

: These patent trolls may have good costumes but did not graduate from accredited law schools

While John deplored the tactics, he did think it would be a kick to attend his next Halloween Party in a patent troll costume.

We also talked about innovative, but ill thought out patents, and as evidence, I showed him a news article to demonstrate:

“Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A & M, invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric during cold weather.”

The article goes on to state that, “At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the crap out of him.”

Four beers on tap and bottled and canned brews besides wine and cider

Four beers on tap and twelve bottled and canned brews besides wine and cider

We toasted these gents – me with a $2.00 PBR Tall boy (available all day) and John with a Lagunitas IPA, one of the four beers and one cider on tap at the Sandy Hut – they also have twelve canned and bottled beers. And don’t forget about the Jell-O Shots for a buck!

Christopher, our friendly and very well-informed bartender, explained their menu, which includes breakfast, a focus on Mexican food and the old pub standards such as burgers, pulled pork, fish and chips, etc. They also have a “lighter” menu that starts at 5:00.

: Christopher the bartender – helpful and competent

: “Breakfast” Burrito – gigantic and delicious…

—-

I had a very large and delicious Breakfast Burrito and John, thinking he was going to have to lose some weight to make it into a troll costume, chose the Mexican Wedge Salad – a two-thumbs up option.

Christopher also introduced us to the weekend cook, and touted the guy’s original tamale recipe – which is so popular, they have a brisk “to go” business.

One of the highlights of many dive bars – and The Sandy Hut was no exception – is the patrons and this old, but still accurate, Google Review by Andrew summed it up well:

Free shuffleboard and a number of video games

“Is it the dark, windowless dim lighted bar? Is it the jello shots? Is it the shuffle board? Is it the diverse group of people, from hipsters to old locals? (emphasis added) It has to be a mix of all of those factors because this is a great dive bar with a great bar staff and an amazing jukebox. The sum of the parts? A great, great time.”

Kevin – a friendly regular we sat next to at the bar epitomized this. He welcomed us and stated he has frequented the bar since 1979 when he moved from Phoenix. He said the bar is filled with people who work nearby or who live in the neighborhood. “These people take care of you,” Kevin stated – which seemed to include both the staff and the twelve to fifteen people sitting at the bar, including Kevin’s wife. He said there is a younger group who frequent the bar at night – we were there at about 5:30.

Kevin, John and Thebeerchaser Logo

I inquired what the NHRA logo (National Hot Rod Association) was on his coveralls and learned that he is a master mechanic at Gibson Auto and Electric (an independently family owned & operated business since 1983).

It’s a full-service shop but Kevin focuses on Porsches and the computer and electrical systems of other autos. John and I talked about buying Porsches just so we could attest to Kevin’s good work…..

The Sandy Hut makes good use of its roomy, long rectangular environ and has a pool table, free shuffle-board, a number of video games – including an imposing Golden Tee golf game by Incredible Technologies with a 47 inch flat screen.

Not a shirt – but you can test your iron play

Blazers 40 - Houston 55 in Third Quarter - it didn't get better

Blazers 41 – Houston 55 in Second Quarter – it didn’t get better

—————-

You will also find four TVs including a 100-inch projector screen – which unfortunately amplified the poor play of the Blazers against the Houston Rockets (Lost 101 to 116) when we were there.

And don’t forget their juke box which, “….is internet based, so you can choose nearly any song you want to hear.”

The Juke Box is Internet-based so how about some Count Basie or Benny Goodman??

Thebeerchaser’s Tour of Portland bars, tavern and pubs which started in August of 2011, has visited some great dive bars and the Sandy Hut ranks up there with all of them.

And don’t forget to check out the interesting mural on the outside (see picture above) by California artist Jackie Danger. It reflects her “edgy and rebellious presence.”

The Sandy Hut 1430 Northeast Sandy Blvd (503) 235 7972

Beerchaser of the Month – Art Vandelay

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Thebeerchaser

The Beerchaser-of-the-Month or Quarter is a method this blog has periodically employed to acknowledge certain individuals or groups – simply because they should be recognized. Some, such as the four bartenders from the first four taverns visited (November 2011), are directly related to beer or pubs.

Lt. Jud Blakely, USMC at Than Thrah Viet Nam

Others such as two of my SAE fraternity brothers at Oregon State – Jud Blakely (Purple Heart and Bronze Star recipient for Viet Nam service) September 2013

and

Craig Hanneman (Collegiate All-American football in 1970, NFL career and successful summit of Mt. Everest in 2012) August 2012

: Craig Hanneman (right) on Mt. Everest Climb

and

Dr. Harry Frankfurt (Princeton University Emeritus Professor and author of the book, On Bullshit) January 2012 are named because of their achievements and contributions to society. And some such as the fabled crew of the USS Constitution July 2012 and retired chemist, Harold Schlumberg August 2011 for more light-hearted faire.

: Professor Frankfurt, developed a theoretical framework in his book “On Bullshit.”

In that spirit, the current Beerchaser-of-the-Month is recognized for his profoundly inconsequential contribution to the world of Latex. Art Vandelay, President and CEO of Vandelay Industries a latex manufacturing company has largely slipped under the radar for many years – not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Art Vandelay, President and CEO of Vandelay Enterprises

He grew up in Keokuk, Iowa, where he was President of his eighth grade class – twice and in high school was voted “Most Likely.”

: Keokuk – Childhood on the Mississippi

Vandelay then moved to Racine, Wisconsin and attended Kramer Community College for four years where he received his associate degree. He didn’t participate in major team sports but was a Bowler.

After a very short first marriage to a classmate, which was voided by the court based on a “technicality,” he moved to New York. Art Vandelay gained new confidence upon realizing that all his annoying habits disappeared when he lived alone.

Vandelay Industries’ Products, in part…

Our Beerchaser then became a latex salesman for Vandelay Industries and rose up the corporate ladder when he validated the following leadership theory propounded by comedian Dave Berry:

“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.”

—————————

Art Vandelay’s solution for a market slump was originating the slogan for one of their more well known products:

“Wrap it in latex, or she’ll get your paychecks.”

After becoming President, he led his company to a record number of years of marginal profitability – his employees followed him primarily out of a sense of morbid curiosity.

: Leadership that inspires followers….

Idiosyncrasies such as his habit of paging himself on the intercom raised questions. However, his personal lifestyle and political philosophy had a calming effect on the organization. For example:

“Set aside five minutes each day. At the end of the year, you will have saved up 1.27 days.”

Another five minutes accrued…..

“Annoy a liberal – Work – Succeed – Be Happy!!”

: Room Temperature Intellect and Personality…

—————

This led to the oft quoted expression: “Work of Art.”

So raise a mug to an individual, who notwithstanding his room temperature IQ, may not have raised the bar, but at least passed it.

For those who want more detailed information about Vandelay Industries including the real story, use the following link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art_Vandelay#Pseudonyms

Road Trip — To the Skyline Tavern

Posted on January 25, 2014 by Thebeerchaser

The Historic Skyline Tavern

There are many bars – most notably in what is known as Portland’s Barmuda Triangle in Southeast Portland, where the setting for many bars is a busy urban intersection on Powell or Belmont, or one walks out into a strip-mall along a the busy street. The attraction is thus, the interior design, the selection of beers and the character/clientele of the bar – not the setting.

The Skyline Tavern is the antithesis – an historic building that looks like a road-house in the woods on Skyline Drive near Forest Park – 9.7 miles from downtown Portland. There are only four beers on tap – and the Terminal Gravity IPA was gone on that August evening we visited. They do, however, have a bunch of bottled and canned beers, but no cocktails or hard liquor, and the only food is essentially microwave faire. And by the way, bring cash or you may end up washing dishes – no credit or debit cards at this venue.

The saloon does have a few interesting antique trinkets and signs.

Oh Schlitz, where have thy gone when we need you now……

Unless your commute takes you by the pub, however, it would be best to save your visit for a cloudless day when you can take advantage of the expansive patio, the wonderful view of the Willamette Valley and the fire-pits where you can grill your own food and eat at one of the picnic tables in the beer garden or play Ping-Pong on the porch. They also have a good juke box.

Of course, some readers would point out that waiting for a cloudless day in Oregon limits the opportunity to about 47 days per year.

Old – growth timber is improved over a brewski

I hit the Skyline with Beerchaser regular, Portland lawyer, Scott Whipple, the same afternoon we visited another historic Portland bar – Slabtown last August. Scott was still on an adrenaline high from our intense Pop-a-Shot competition in the back room at Slabtown, and immediately suggested we play pool – I might add that it was harder trying to hold a cue stick with buttered micro-wave popcorn on our hands, but Scott probably knew that.

: Still riding an adrenaline high from Pop-a-Shot at Slabtown

: The chalk was only partially helpful in absorbing the popcorn butter

——————

We talked to friendly bartender, Diane, a Scappoose High School graduate, who has worked at The Skyline for seven years.

Diane and Thebeerchaser with the old logo

———

This excerpt from an October 2012 review in Portland Monthly Magazine, describes the venue perfectly:

“The Skyline is like a summer camp for casual drinkers: The metronome of ping-pong balls clacking on the back porch, the clang and thunk of horseshoes thrown in the pit, the smell of burgers sizzling on the BYO – meat community grill, all played out in front of a tree-lined view of the Willamette Valley that’ll put a lump in your throat……”

“The metronome of Ping-Pong balls…..”

Diane said that their biggest seller is 16 ounce PBR Tall Boys and that if you come on a summer evening or weekend, you will probably encounter a bunch of cyclists or motorcyclists at the end or on a break on their road trips.

——————

: Not much in the way of draft beer, but plenty of bottles and cans. Have a PBR tall-boy!

The Skyline was pretty laid back and we were the only ones there besides Diane and a “regular.”

Scott did spice up the evening on the return trip by pointing out a forested spot on the off Thompson Road that “used to be the site of some memorable Sunset High School keggers…”

I might add that since our Beerchaser Trip to Slabtown and The Skyline, Scott has shed ten of a planned forty-five pounds on his New Year’s diet – “I am shooting to lose 45 pounds by the time I turn 45..” – some of which can be attributed to the stress of coaching The Sting his sons’ basketball team.

Stay tuned for a more svelte and conditioned Whipple – both mentally and physically

Some might object to the “minimalist” approach of the bar. This October 2013, Yelp review excerpt from a woman, whose initial paragraph in the review expressed shock that when she exited the bar, there were two guys inspecting a rifle that was pointed right at her votes for the status quo:

“But let’s be real here , I’m not a mans man. I am a lady who loves a nice game of horse shoes, pool or darts. I am also a lady who loves porch chillin’.

Skyline has an amazing back patio. Every time I’m here I have this horrible thought ‘If they just cut down all these trees, they would have any amazing view.’ You can, however, peek between the trees to enjoy a breathtaking view.

As others have mentioned this bar is Cash Only – talk about no frills. If you’re reading this Skyline, don’t you change a f…ing thing. You keep it real, and I like it.”

And perhaps on a cloudless day in June, Scott and Thebeerchaser will return and toast his successful diet….??!!!

The Skyline Tavern 8031 NW Skyline Blvd.

You can Always Return to The Nest…and You Should!

Posted on January 14, 2014 by Thebeerchaser

The “New” Home of The Nest Lounge

Webster defines “nest” as “a place of rest, retreat or lodging,” and our recent visit to The Nest Lounge affirmed at least part of that definition. It was a warren of nooks and crannies in a charming old house that makes a great neighborhood bar on SE Belmont. It serves as another reminder of the vast array of quirky and fascinating Portland bars awaiting those willing to stray – even if just a little bit from the beaten path.

Barkeep Alex tending to business..

Our bartender, Alex, was a nice chap, who haled from Minnesota and came to Oregon seven years ago. He told us about the disastrous 2012 fire that resulted in the temporary closure of The Nest on NE Alberta and relocation to what was once the home of the Nine Muses Pub – “…..with cozy hangout rooms throughout, and their signature ping-pong tables on the back patio.”

“For those searching the web, the place we visited is NOT the Nest Lounge “located on the rooftop of LeFenix Hotel in one of the coolest nightlife areas in Bangkok ,” nor is it the bars with the same name in Decatur Illinois, Omaha or Long Island, New York (TheBeerchaser’s birthplace) – “…come on down and enjoy a night out that will offer your senses a bit more than you’re accustomed to – You’ll be ‘Nestling’ before you know it.”

A number of Nests ___ throughout the country

A number of Nests can be found throughout the USA and….

And then there is the Indian Wells Nest in the desert, where, “The Nest has long been a favorite of celebrities, golf and tennis legends and locals alike….It’s no wonder that the Nest is at the top of the “Things to Do in Palm Springs.“ As new owners, Dodi and Kevin Henry state, “At The Nest, life begins at five.” (We assume they are talking about the time of day and not years after birth.)

I was accompanied by my former Schwabe Williamson & Wyatt colleague, Hamilton Emery, now an Associate General Counsel at Cambia Health Solutions in Portland. “Ham” the moniker by which he is known to his friends, received his law degree at Willamette University College of Law. As is the case with Thebeerchaser, he “married up” – in Ham’s case, to Rachael, a Portland physician.

Ham minding the Nest and contemplating various provisions of the Affordable Care Act

He spends about 60% of his time working on health care reform issues and would not respond to Conan O’Brien’s 2012 comment regarding the Affordable Care Act:

“President Obama says that Congress is very close to getting a new health-care plan, but due to compromises, it ‘won’t include everything that everybody wants……For instance, it covers everything except trips to the doctor or the hospital.”

Alex and Ham with Thebeerchaser logo

: Recreational opportunities besides or while raising a mug..

A Portland Bar Fly review echoes our experience, “This place is AWESOME. They’re super cheap…they have a pool table, arcade game, pinball, ping-pong table, juke box…..

Just like in college….!

…. also an outdoor – enclosed patio area, projector for movie nights, and some crazy local art. I felt like I was at someone’s lake house. We kept discovering new areas and being more and more impressed.”

Cool local art located throughout

Aside from the quirky and interesting physical layout and the cool artwork, there are no other distinguishing characteristics, but they had a nice, albeit limited, selection of beers –

Ham had an India Red Ale and I had a Vaporizer, both from Hood River’s Double Mountain Brewery. Their food menu is also limited.

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As an aside, it is interesting that Bar Fly lists 198 “nearby bars” –although it should be noted that Bar Fly includes strip clubs and restaurants with bars such as Boogie’s Burger and other questionable venues that Thebeerchaser would never consider for his tour because they are restaurants or other establishments and not a bar per se’

For example, The Star Theater and now closed, Hamburger Mary’s. One can also question the definition of the term “nearby” when the list includes Prost – one of Thebeerchaser’s favorite bars (see post from 11/24/12) – however, on the other side of the Willamette River on North Mississippi Avenue.

Some interesting specialty cocktails

Ham and I enjoyed our trip to the nest and as we parted, he told me that in the spirit of the new Affordable Care Act and the New Year, he was willing to propose an innovative concept to management.

: A Ping-Pong table in the cool (literally) basement

Consistent with his nickname, Ham — he thought that motivating people to take their cholesterol medication by wrapping it in bacon could have a positive impact on patient care and health care expenses.

That idea rocks, Ham and this patio at The Nest will rock during the summer months. If you’ve been there before – return to The Nest, and if not hatch a plan to try it out – you don’t have to go to Nebraska or Bangkok to make it happen.

Every nest should have a porch or balcony

The Nest Lounge 2715 SE Belmont

Thebeerchaser’s 2013 Annual Report

Posted on January 3, 2014 by Thebeerchaser

Thebeerchaser raising a mug in Amsterdam during our Rick Steves’ Best of Europe Tour

During the twenty-five + years I worked before retiring in 2011 at Schwabe Williamson & Wyatt, accountability was “part of the gig,” – the case at most large law firms. The New Year started with a review of prior year statistics and accomplishments and setting performance goals for the current year.

: A Beerchaser tradition at each stop – a photo of the logo – Shelby and Dave Booher at the Solstice Brew Pub in Prineville

While Thebeerchaser’s Tour of Portland bars, taverns and pubs, initiated in August of 2011, does not have to worry about billable hours worked, improving client relations or analyzing merger possibilities, the habit of reviewing benchmarks from the past year(s) will take additional time (and more brewskis consumed) to depart my cerebellum.

Slabtown – An important institution in an historic neighborhood

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In this spirit (and in preparation for audit….), I submit the following “Beerchaser Year in Review,” which includes an interesting graphic display by WordPress, the blogging software used. For those who want to drill down for more detail (there are after all, several tax lawyers who are followers of this blog), you can click on the link below the graphic.

The final part of this posts includes a listing of establishments visited in the last 2.4 years by year and category i.e. dive bar, neighborhood pub, etc and Thebeerchasers-of-the-Month or Quarter who have been “honored” with this recognition.

Brewmaster and Beerchaser-of-the-Month, Jonny Brose and bartender, Camas, with Thebeerchaser logo

I was pleased that, in 2013, there were approximately 15,000 views of this blog from 143 different countries – primarily the result of my effort to “tag” the names of places visited, individuals, or topics I cover, so people searching on Google, etc. may decide to check out the link. This compares with 6,700 views from 96 countries in 2012 – so the audience has grown.

Beer with attitude – er, I mean altitude..! The James Bond Bar at the summit of the Schilthorn in Switzerland

H. G. Wells warned, “Satan delights equally in statistics and in quoting scripture….” and notwithstanding that admonition, the following provides some grist for the number-crunchers – note that I am not including bars visited on our Rick Steves’ Best of Europe Tour, but do count the wonderful venues visited on the four-day road trip to Eastern Oregon.

The bar at the Central Pastime. Patty was camera shy but impressed with the city slickers passing through.

The bar at the Central Pastime Tavern in Burns. Patty, the bartender, was camera shy but impressed with the city slickers passing through.

Thebeerchaser reviewed 20 bars in 2013, compared to 24 in 2012, which equates to one bar every 18.3 days – slightly less ambitious than the 15.2 days in 2012 and the 17.1 during the partial year of 2011 with eight establishments.

This averages out to a non-weighted mean of 16.9 for the three years with a respectable, albeit somewhat mundane, standard deviation of 1.563 days to accomplish the review of 52 establishments. And remember, many required more than one visit for the due diligence.

Note for the accountants – this figure does not include “accruals,” if you will, i.e. the two bars and one brewery that were visited in 2013, but not yet reviewed and posted (will occur in January.)

The Sasquatch Brewing Company from our August visit

Shown below the WordPress report is a compete listing of the watering holes – by category visited since inception. Of course, bearing in mind the case of the man who drowned crossing a stream with an average depth of six inches, one should be cautious about using averages.

For example, our European Tour of 21-days was a respite from Portland taverns and thus the 2013 work ethic should not be demeaned.

New City Club Executive Director, Sam Adams, at the entrance to the Tug Boat Brewery - right in Downtown PDX

New City Club of Portland Executive Director, Sam Adams, at the entrance to the Tug Boat Brewery – right in Downtown PDX

Here’s an excerpt from the WordPress report:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 15,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 6 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Twenty Establishments Visited in 2013 *

A nice part of the decor at Beer – a bar with an appropriate name

Neighborhood Bars – Sidecar 11, Belmont Inn , Belmont Station, Beer

Beerchaser and Big Buck-Hunter David Dixon at the Belmont Inn lamenting, "If only I had spent more time shooting and less time studying in Palo Alto...."

Beerchaser and Big Buck-Hunter David Dixon at the Belmont Inn lamenting, “If only I had spent more time shooting and less time studying at Stanford….”

Dive Bars – Slammer, The Tanker

Historic or Classic Bars – Slabtown, Horse Brass Pub,

Grand Cafe

Portland appellate lawyer and former Town Hall Moderator, Jack Faust, with Frank Peters – “proprietor and cook” at the Grand Cafe

Bars that Defy Classification – Davis Street Tavern, Church

Breweries/Brew Pubs – Tug Boat Brewery, Sasquatch Brewery,

Bars Outside of Portland – Solstice Brew Pub and Horseshoe Tavern (Prineville), Hideout Saloon and Long Branch Saloon (LaGrande), Bull Ridge Brewery and Mt. Emily Ale House (Baker City) and Central Pastime Tavern (Burns)

* Does not include European Bars

: The Horseshoe Tavern in Prineville

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Twenty-four Establishments Visited in 2012

Clearing the Air – Tanya, our Waitress and 4 Environmental Lawyers at County Cork

Neighborhood Bars – County Cork, Muddy Rudder Public House, Hawthorne Hideaway, Laurelthirst Pub

Dive Bars – Ship Tavern, Bar of the Gods, Dixie Tavern

: The Ship Tavern in Multnomah Village – an outstanding dive bar

Historic or Classic Bars – Claudia’s, White Eagle Saloon, Lutz Tavern, Cheerful Tortoise, Mock Crest Tavern, Goose Hollow Inn and The Twilight Room

Beerchasers-of-the-Month, Jim Westwood and John Terry with former Mayor and Goose Hollow owner, Bud Clark

Bars that Defy Classification – 1856, Gold Dust Meridian, Bottles, Interurban, Ash Street Saloon

: Beerchaser, Chuck Mitchell with bartender, Matt at 1856

Breweries/Brew Pubs – Migration Brewery Pub

Beerchaser Dave Booher enjoys a draft and a bucket of fries at The Desdemona in Astoria

Bars Outside of Portland – Embers Brew House (Joseph), The Desdemona and Wet Monkey Café (Astoria), PourHouse (Port Townsend, WA)

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Eight Establishments Visited in 2011 (August – December)

The Brooklyn! The very first stop on Thebeerchaser Tour

Neighborhood Bars – Brooklyn Park Pub, Gladstone Street Pub,

Dive Bars – Yukon Tavern, Joe’s Cellar

: The Yukon Tavern – one of the proverbial Dive Bars visited in the first year of The Tour

Historic or Classic Bars – Buffalo Gap Saloon

Bars that Defy Classification – Prost

Getting the Boot from Emily the Bartender at Prost in 2011

Breweries/Brew Pubs – Amnesia Brew Pub, Coalition Brew Pub

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Beerchaser Honorees

Several times during the year (we fell down slightly on this goal in 2013), Thebeerchaser names a person, group or organization as Beerchaser-of-the-Month or Quarter. These may or may not have any relevance to the primary goal of this blog, but deserve to be “honored” or recognized in some manner. They are shown below and we can all be confident that they do not update their resumes to reflect this acclaim.

Lt. Jud Blakely USMC in Viet Nam in 1965

2013 – Jud Blakely (Bronze Star and Purple Heart recipient in Viet Nam War), Johnny Brose, (OSU Graduate and Brewmaster at Bull Ridge Brewery in Baker City), Jim Westwood (Portland lawyer, civic activist and former captain of the GE College Bowl Team from Portland State College).

Jim Westwood, Coach Padrow and the PSU College Bowl Team

Former OSU and NFL start, Craig Hanneman on successful Mt. Everest climb in 2012

2012 – Forrest Green (Musician and consultant), Coach Mike Riley and the 2012 OSU Football Team, Craig Hanneman (retired Willamette Industries executive and former OSU and NFL football player), The Crew of the USS Constitution, Dr. John Walker (Professor of Finance at Portland State University), John Terry (retired history columnist and reporter for The Oregonian) and Dr. Harry Frankfurt (Emeritus Professor of History at Princeton University and author of the book On Bullshit)

Late crime novelist and beer drinker, James Crumley

2011 – James Crumley (late crime novelist from Montana), Harold Schlumberg (retired chemical engineer), Phoebe, Emily, Dave and Natasha (bartenders at the bars the Brooklyn Park Pub, Prost, the Twilight Room and the Gladstone Street Pub.

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I appreciate the followers of Thebeerchaser for their comments and suggestions and am especially thankful to Janet – Thebeerchaser’s spouse of 33 years for letting me indulge in this retirement hobby.

Thebeerchaser and Janet in Paris – summer of 2013

While reviewing 52 establishments in 2 years and five months is noteworthy, the fact that Portland has approximately 750 bars, taverns and pubs is somewhat overwhelming and begs the question as to whether retirement should have started while I was in my twenties…..Convey your suggestions regarding future venues in the blog comments.

Happy New Year

Merry Christmas from Thebeerchaser – Beerchaser Miscellany VI

Posted on December 23, 2013 by Thebeerchaser

The perfect bicycle for one who has everything

Last Minute Christmas Shopping – If you have not found that perfect present, why not consider the bicycle in the above photo. This is one of over 40 bicycles featured in the Portland Art Museum’s exhibit, “Cyclepedia,” earlier this year. Each represented different structures, materials and functions for bicycles from the 1920’s to contemporary design.

The exhibit “….included racing, mountain, single speed, touring, tandem, urban, folding, cargo, curiosities, and children’s bicycles.” Portland was the only city in the US to host this exhibit, in part, because of the affection Portlanders have for bicycles and the number of cyclists per capita – reportedly, the highest in the US.

The bike above was Thebeerchaser’s favorite for obvious reasons. Can you imagine touring on this mobile platform which has a keg, a tap and undoubtedly a holder for a glass of your favorite microbrew.

A Good and Zany Read – Given that before retiring, Thebeerchaser spent almost forty years of his career working with lawyers, I confess that I still enjoy the American Bar Association Weekly Journal (on-line) each week.

It has a listing of interesting cases, and includes the zany and bizarre judicial matters that pop up regularly. And while the sample below may strain credibility, anyone who has worked in the legal environment can attest that they occur:

3/27/13 – “Man stranded on Disney’s ‘It’s a Small World’ ride, wins pain and suffering damages.”

7/26/13 – “Banned from campus over ‘Hot for Teacher’ essay, college student loses free speech suit.”

11/5/13 – “Lawsuit for traffic stop resulting in 3 enemas, 2 X-rays and 1 colonoscopy in cops’ fruitless search.”

I love lawyers and they are, in general, a very smart, dedicated, competitive group of professionals, but the work environment breeds some interesting results:

7/10/13 – “Lawyer leaves $200K Ferrari in floodwaters to make it to hearing on time.”

9/16/13 – “Attorney who billed for 29-hour day, did the work, his lawyers says.” This one reminded me of the Wall Street associate in the ’70’s who wanted the record for billing the most legitimate hours in his firm, so worked a 24-hour day and then continued his work on a plane flight to Los Angeles for an actual 27 hour billable day.

12/9/13 – “Unwitting lawyer is suspended for arranging client loans to secure Nigerian inheritance.”

And finally, if you or a relative is considering law school as a career option, you might want to check out this post from December 9th:

“One law school’s credit rating drops to junk-bond status.”

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Thebeerchaser Logo – A New Look – Let’s raise a $2 mug of PBR to Jud Blakely, who designed the new logo you now see as the background or header for this blog.

Followers of this blog will remember that my SAE fraternity brother, Jud, was Thebeerchaser-of-the-Quarter (September 16, 2103 post ) where I saluted him for his heroism in Viet Nam (Bronze Star with Combat V and Purple Heart) and his subsequent exploits – as a member of The Gulf Coast Humanities Consortium, on the executive staff at Tri-Met, as a communications consultant, on the basketball court, etc. etc.

: 1965 Bronze Star Award Ceremony for Captain Blakely USMC

He obviously has developed new talents in the technology area. Thanks Jud.

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The Yard House – Coming to Portland — While in Seattle, my wife and I dined in the new restaurant/bar that replaced the Borders store near Westlake Plaza. Reportedly, one is in the works for Pioneer Square in Portland.

Would you believe over 100 beers on tap??

Would you believe over 125 beers on tap??

While Thebeerchaser typically avoids restaurants rather than a single purpose bar or tavern, this one was notable because it had over 125 beers and hard ciders on tap.

And that doesn’t count some of the seasonal specials such as the Sam Adams Merry Maker that I tested and thought was a winner. (“Heartiness of dark roasted malts and a touch of wheat. But it’s the intensity and spices of cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, & ginger that add a wicked kick for a jolly playful brew full of merry mischief.”

: The “hydraulics” to get the brew from the kegs to the taps would be a good science project….

And the interior was fascinating: “The glass-enclosed keg room is essentially the pulse of the operation housing as much as 5,000 gallons of beer at a time. Three to five miles of individual beer lines stretch overhead from the keg room to the island bar maintaining a constant temperature.”

The menu was robust and there was not an empty seat in the restaurant or bar. Stay tuned for the Portland opening.

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Joe’s Cellar Moves Up – We are pleased to report that one of our two favorite dive bars – the other being The Ship Tavern (December 10, 2012 post) in Multnomah – reopened this summer.

Joe’s Cellar, originally opening in 1941 and a great watering hole in the NW Industrial District (they had a Happy Hour at 7 A.M. for the workers getting off the night shift) had building structural issues that caused Multnomah County building officials to shut it down earlier this year.

Moving Up…….Step Up to Joe’s Cellar

Fortunately it is now back under new ownership and as Thebeerchaser advised you in the September 17, 2011 post, “Step Up to Joe’s Cellar.”

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Bar Jokes – We can’t end the year without at least one or two of our favorite bar jokes – the first from The Oregonian’s Edge column:

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “You got any bread?”

Bartender “No.”

Duck: “You got any bread?”

Bartender (looking annoyed): “No!!”

Duck: “You got any bread?”

Bartender: “No – and if you ask one more time, I’m going to nail your bill to the bar!”

Duck: “You got any nails?”

Bartender: “No.”

Duck: “You got any bread…??

######

A guy walks into a bar — He really hurts himself…….

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: Lumpy’s Landing – a delightful dive on Highway 18 on the way to the Oregon Coast

How Cold Was It……? – Sign outside the door of Lumpy’s Landing – a wonderful dive bar in Dundee, Oregon.

This is the tavern where the original idea for Thebeerchaser Tour of Bars, Taverns and Pubs, originated while I was eating natchos and drinking a Budweiser on the way to the beach:

How Cold Was It??

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Most Outlandish Simile: And finally, while having written over sixty reviews of bars since Thebeerchaser blog commenced in August of 2011, I understand that sometimes “writer’s block” can shroud one’s brain like a San Francisco fog.

However, a critique of the El Modernito Restaurant/bar by Martin Cizmar, a reporter for Willamette Week (which is a good resource for this blog and usually has informative and reliable reviews) contained what is probably one of the most pretentious and/or ridiculous descriptions of a cocktail, ever to hit print:

“Oh, but the chorizo and cocktails. They’re united in a margarita made with sausage-flavored tequila and a salty foam that tastes like a wave perpetually suspended at the point of breaking.” (emphasis supplied). Enough said – back to journalism school, Martin!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Thebeerchaser

Church – Eat, Drink (Pray) – Repent!

Posted on December 11, 2013 by Thebeerchaser

Lawyer John Mansfield at the somewhat plain entrance to Church

Church is a relatively new bar on 26th and NE Sandy. Opened in 2013, it has an intriguing interior to mitigate the nondescript exterior and lack of a really viable patio. Willamette Week, in its review accurately states, “Though it is a neighborhood bar in no neighborhood at all, it’ll likely gather a congregation,” – affirmed on both of our visits – an energetic crowd to complement the friendly and knowledgeable staff.

Mansfield in a margarita toast to the 95 Theses

I was joined by one of Thebeerchaser regulars, Portland intellectual property lawyer, John Mansfield. John thought he could cause a stir and gain some publicity by emulating his hero, 16th century theologian, Martin Luther, and tacking 95 patents to the door of Church to commemorate Luther’s posting of his 95 Theses at the door of All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg in 1517.

Martin Luther

Indeed, besides the physical resemblance one can glean from these pictures, Mansfield and Luther share some other traits. Luther translated the Bible to the vernacular and Mansfield converts the language of patents and IP procedures into coherent terms that his clients can understand.

The name provides a marketing challenge, of sorts….

A Google search for “Church“ yields 221 million possible hits and for “Church Bar,” a total of 490 million – an interesting fact in itself, but it raises the same question I asked the owner of the recently Beerchaser-reviewed (April 2013 post) bar “Beer.” How do you market your establishment on-line and help people find it given the generic moniker?

Although there are also bars named “Church” in Webster England, Lakewood Ohio, Portland Maine and Atlanta, our research found that a new trend is also to have Sunday church services in a bar – possibly an answer to the statistical question above. It’s the case in both Forth Worth and Abilene, Texas. (Of course, if Rick Perry is your governor, it would motivate one to both drink and pray without ceasing…)

I like answer the Abilene pastor gave to the following question: Will alcohol be served at Bar Church?

Is it kosher to drink in Church??? Ask Sam, the bartender.

“Jesus seemed more interested in connecting with people than he was interested in debating questions like this. We like Jesus’ approach. The fact is that we meet in a bar, and some people are probably going to want to order a drink.”

One of the other pastors stated, “If Jesus came in the door, he’d probably laugh.”

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Distinguishing Characteristics

The impressive interior

The Décor – The dark recycled wood panels on the wall have inlays shaped like steeples and catch the light from very large windows at the front of the bar.

Medieval trappings integrated into the décor enhance the impact as does one of the other unique items – a confessional booth which is actually a slick photo booth (see below).

Bartender, forgive me, for I have sinned. “It has been five minutes since my last Bloody Mary….”

Inside the confessional is a high-quality digital camera, which will take about 8 photos of the “penitents” and through a custom-made software program transmit them to social media for posting – pretty slick although not medieval and raising issues regarding the sanctity or confidentiality of this bar sacrament (to be resolved over cocktails…)

Catharsis in the booth….

The Food – The menu at Church is impressive with enough Southern standards to make one feel like he’s at a Baptist convention. Although we did not eat, we met Javier, the chef, and he is proud of the selection and the quality and he was knowledgeable about his craft.

For example, hush puppies, glazed pork belly and corn bread, biscuits and gravy, grits and even their tofu dish has black-eyed peas. They reportedly have a great burger and their ribs are only $5 during Happy Hour.

Also a selection of oysters and as stated in the Portland Tribune review in June 2013, “A sign over the bar reads, “Eat. Drink. Repent.” It’s a little unsettling, especially when you’re talking about shellfish — but we remained unrepentant.”

Unsettling – when eating oysters…..!

Mansfield with Brian Block, one of the owners and the traditional Beerchaser logo.

The Cocktails It’s an eclectic and creative cocktail menu which adds to a nice selection of nine wines and eight beers, although we were somewhat surprised, that there were only two beers and a rotating cider on tap. (We had the Pfriem Blond IPA from the Hood River brewery – their rotating micro, which was very good.) John also had an excellent margarita.

An ambitious project would be to work one’s way through the ten interesting cocktails in addition to a “rotating punch.” Most of the drinks are consistent with the religious theme: For example, “The Great Fire” is tequila, lime, grapefruit, sugar, dill and cayenne, while “Sunday Morning” is buffalo trace, Drambuie, ginger syrup, lemon, Angostura and bubbles?. “Death from Above” and “Old World Prayer” were also worthy of a future indulgence.

Some of the reviews questioned the synergy of the intriguing ingredients. And the Portland Mercury in its review opined, “As if to make a position statement, the bar offers a Pickleback: a shot of pickle brine that washes away a shot of bad whiskey—an efficient tool for those only interested in one aspect of their drinking. It lives at the end of the cocktail menu, a white flag of capitulation after all that trying.”

The two visits to Church were both good experiences and the bar’s character and décor are worth seeing. Since Mansfield was noted for the tribute to his historical hero above, it is fitting to quote one of Thebeerchaser’s favorite intellectuals – Lord G.K. Chesterton, a British theologian, essayist, philosopher, newspaper columnist and novelist, who lived from 1874 to 1936 in London. He was known for his love of food and drink and sometimes said grace before lighting a cigar. He once stated:

Brilliant, prolific and humorous theologian, philosopher and author, Lord Chesterton

“No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness – or as good as drink.”

Based on two more quotes, I think he would enjoy the crowd and the theme of Church:

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.”

“If there were no God, there would be no atheists.”

Stop in at Church (Happy Hour from 4 to 7 and midnight to 2 A.M. every day with $2-$4 drafts and $3 well drinks) and have a chicken gizzard salad washed down with an “Old World Prayer”cocktail (Monopolowa vodka, green chartreuse, pear juice, lemon, green tea syrup and juniper) and then receive absolution in the confessional.

John Mansfield in lawyer mode….

Church 2600 NE Sandy

The Diamond Hotel – The Cutting Edge in Hospitality and the Final Chapter in Thebeerchaser Tour of Eastern Oregon

Posted on November 24, 2013 by Thebeerchaser

The Peter French Round Barn south of Burns

After lunch in Burns – a great town where one pundit asserted, “You could get a good meal, rent a movie and hire a contract killer,” we headed southeast on Highway 78 to Diamond, Oregon (population 5) and our final night at the historic Diamond Hotel.

Passing through the most desolate country on this stretch – Burns south past the Malheur National Wildlife Preserve almost to the Steen’s Mountains and the Alvord Desert. We toured the Peter French Round Barn – on the National Historic Register and constructed around 1870 by the cattle rancher who used it to train horses.

More prevalent than cars on Highway 78

The remarkable interior structure of The Round Barn.

About 50 miles south of Burns, we also stopped at the Diamond Crater Natural Area – which reportedly “has the best and most diverse basaltic volcanic features in the United States.” We saw lava flows and tubes and cinder cones from the observation area.

A road through the lava beds or what Dave maintained was a description of Thebeerchaser's career.

A road through the lava beds and a sign that Dave maintained was a description of Thebeerchaser’s career.

The Diamond Hotel was in a beautiful grove of poplar trees and we believed the sign that said the population of Diamond was only five since the hotel was in essence the center of “the city” – on Main Street.

The Census Bureau had an easy time in this venue

After playing cards and having a beer, we sat down for “Family Dinner” – eight people sitting around a large rectangular table for an outstanding rib dinner with all the accoutrements. The three-hour feast lasted that long because of the fascinating conversations with our fellow diners.

Family Dinner at the Diamond Hotel

Two of the diners were a married couple in their mid-eighties and riding in on their Harley – mid-way through a tour that took them into Montana, Idaho and Oregon.

Another was a high-tech exec from Portland – a German immigrant who rode in on his BMW bike on which he has toured most of the western US and Canada. We were the only boring ones at the table……David Thompson, one of the friendly owners, briefed us on history and shared stories while we were eating.

Notice the Harley and the BMW bike

For those who love our state and want to explore, the Diamond Hotel should be on your bucket list. Built in 1998, it was completely restored in 1990. Shirley and David Thompson, descendants of one of the first families in Diamond bought the hotel in 2001 and now operate it.

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It was headquarters for the Cycle Oregon staff during their 2013 ride this summer, which had a one night stay near Diamond. The rates at the hotel, including the dinner, are very reasonable and it is quaint and interesting.

“Recreation” before Family Dinner

And so ended our four-day road trip. After breakfast, we headed north – this time on Highway 205 back through John Day, then north on 395 and to Steve’s home in Pendleton. We photographed the Stampede Room in Long Creek, which will have to wait until our next trip to raise a mug.

The Stampede will have to wait until the next trip

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We saw amazing sights and reaffirmed the premise of Thebeerchaser’s Tour of Portland Taverns, Bars and Pubs – “Each bar or watering hole has its own unique character, ambiance and clientele,” – only in the central and eastern part of our wonderful state.

Whether sampling the brews of Johnny Brose at the Bull Ridge Brewery and Pub in Baker, kidding Patty at the Central Pastime Tavern in Burns, hearing stories from Heather at the Horseshoe Tavern in Prineville or just photographing the Powder Club Tavern in North Powder – which incidentally, is Under New Management or The Elkhorn Saloon in Sumpter, our visits to the Central and Eastern Oregon bars was outstanding and we would recommend it.

Powder – Under New Management!

We told Eastern Oregon bar jokes like the one about the dog who limped into the bar and said to the bartender, “I’m looking for the guy who shot my paw…!”

The bartender who asks the horse who comes into his bar and orders a beer, “Hey, why the long face..?”

Besides the establishments mentioned above we also visited The Solstice Brewery in Prineville, The Long Branch Saloon, The HideoutTavern and 10 Depot Street Bar and Restaurant in LaGrande and The Mt. Emily Ale House in Baker City. These are reviewed in the first three blog-posts of this road trip.

1,746 miles, four nights and ___ bars later....

1,346 miles, four nights and eight bars later….

Now back to Portland where the next Beerchaser post will review the fairly new and interesting neighborhood tavern – Church.

Thebeerchaser

Bars, Breweries and Watering Holes – An Exploration

Author Archives: Thebeerchaser

About Thebeerchaser

Beerchaser of the Quarter – Author and Wine Drinker, Brian Doyle

The Cheerful Bullpen

Wait — Did you say “Handy Slut…..?”

Beerchaser of the Month – Art Vandelay

Road Trip — To the Skyline Tavern

You can Always Return to The Nest…and You Should!

Thebeerchaser’s 2013 Annual Report

Merry Christmas from Thebeerchaser – Beerchaser Miscellany VI

Church – Eat, Drink (Pray) – Repent!

The Diamond Hotel – The Cutting Edge in Hospitality and the Final Chapter in Thebeerchaser Tour of Eastern Oregon